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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was talking to myself in the bathroom to remind myself of what chores I need to do. My husband overheard me and is now convinced that I was on the phone with someone. No amount of proof, logic or reasoning can convince him that I'm not cheating on him. FML

Today, my girlfriend furiously bitched me out because I got more upset about my phone screen cracking than when she told me about the death of her cat. We hadn't even met when her cat died. Did she expect me to burst into tears from hearing the story? Guess who's single again! FML

#21510107
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21851) - you deserved it (3030)

On 01/01/2016 at 5:33am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend let me stay over at her house for the first time. I went into her room only to find out she's obsessed with the Joker and has a bunch of posters and toys of him. I am deathly afraid of clowns. FML

#21509727
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22614) - you deserved it (3530)

On 12/31/2015 at 11:40am - love - by ScaredOfClowns (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I told her that I'd never watched The Lion King. FML

#21509521
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19423) - you deserved it (8204)

On 12/30/2015 at 9:41pm - love - by hakuna_matata (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my wife has been taking "love thy neighbour" very literally with the bloke next door. FML

#21509012
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22560) - you deserved it (1399)

On 12/29/2015 at 9:15am - love - by Anonymous (man) -

Today, I found out that my boyfriend has a Facebook account. He said he didn't have one. Apparently he's not divorced after all. FML

#21508989
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23654) - you deserved it (2115)

On 12/29/2015 at 7:04am - love - by debiebs (woman) - Brazil (Bahia)

Today, after dating this girl for 3 months, I finally introduced her to my friends. She looked panicked during the date, and after it she broke up with me. When I asked why, she told me she could try to deal with a black friend, but not with a gay one. I've been dating a moron all this time. FML

#21508983
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23924) - you deserved it (2419)

On 12/29/2015 at 6:07am - love - by Alien (man) - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

#21508382
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27818) - you deserved it (1649)

On 12/27/2015 at 12:31pm - love - by _schaden_freude - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, my father is really enjoying the iPhone my mother gave him for Christmas. He's enjoying it so much that he's already installed all sorts of dating apps. FML

#21508192
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20986) - you deserved it (1437)

On 12/26/2015 at 7:38pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Brazil (Santa Catarina)

Today, I opened my Christmas presents with my husband. One of the things he got me was a ball gag. "Yeah," he said with a grin, "That one's more for me but I didn't wanna buy myself headphones." Cue our son asking me what it was. FML

#21507419
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20303) - you deserved it (1938)

On 12/24/2015 at 6:47pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

#21507294
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21458) - you deserved it (1474)

On 12/24/2015 at 12:34pm - love - by smyp - Lithuania

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

#21507006
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17156) - you deserved it (13784)

On 12/23/2015 at 6:26pm - love - by Anonymous -

Today, I was bitched out by my shrew of a mother for getting engaged, to a man. She's not homophobic, but rather pissed off because gay marriage is "trendy" and she wants me to be "above that nonsense". Hurray for love. FML

#21506801
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22023) - you deserved it (3371)

On 12/23/2015 at 4:06am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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