Today, I had one of the worst first dates of my life. After leaving the restaurant early, we went to a party to try and salvage the night. My date then got wasted, ended up puking in the back seat of my car on the way home, then lied about it. My night ended with me cleaning vomit out of my car. FML

by shwasted / 02/22/2010 at 12:17am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my best friend had set me up on a blind date. The guy demonstrated at length that he could do different cartoon voices such as Donald Duck, Droopy and many others the entire time. Oh, and he also kept wanting to talk about his farts. FML

by Court / 02/21/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was checking out a gorgeous woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minutes just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off, only for me to find out that it was a guy. FML

by anonymous / 02/21/2010 at 10:16am / United States / Love

Today, I travelled across an ocean to visit the guy I'm dating. He lied to me about his apartment; he lives in a dorm with a twin-sized bed and a bathroom he shares with 8 guys. Just now, after taking 3 trains from the airport to his "apt", he asked me to edit his essay while he goes to class. FML

by gullible / 02/20/2010 at 9:38pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

by Bilirubin / 02/20/2010 at 11:22am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my boyfriend proposed. Three hours later, he called me to tell me he was kidding. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Georgia) / Love

 Today, after flying halfway across the world to see the man I love, he admitted cheating on me several days before I arrived, not only with someone I know, but with someone I hate. FML

by izhamilton / 02/20/2010 at 12:30am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

by wtfuraretard / 02/19/2010 at 3:18pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my mom came over to visit and permed my hair. Ten minutes after she started, I told her it was burning. She told me to suck it up because it doesn't hurt that badly. I now have scabs all over my scalp, hairline, and nape. FML

by sexxibxmami / 02/19/2010 at 1:24pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I got a reply to my Valentine's Day card that I sent to my girlfriend. I'll get the address right next time because her neighbor is really creeping me out now. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2010 at 3:25am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I went to a Jack's Mannequin concert. I'd asked this girl I'm interested in to come with me, and she insisted that she had to bring her two year old son with us. I'd told her it was no problem. Ten minutes into it, she said we needed to leave because it was too loud for him. FML

by tyler / 02/18/2010 at 3:12pm / United States / Love

Today, I woke up to hear my boyfriend drunkenly crashing around in the living room, after peeing in an ashtray because he thought it was a urinal. FML

by gp28 / 02/18/2010 at 3:08pm / United States / Love

Today, my parents decided they won't pay for college because of a Fox News story that said higher education "makes you liberal." FML

by merse / 02/18/2010 at 8:20am / United States (North Carolina) / Love