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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML

#1681747
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62387) - you deserved it (7211)

On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)

Today, a hot girl got into the elevator just as I took a bite out of my Three Musketeers bar. I instinctively smiled at her and chocolate drool poured out of my mouth. FML

#1658004
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25854) - you deserved it (54643)

On 05/05/2009 at 10:17am - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

#1649532
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59792) - you deserved it (4635)

On 05/05/2009 at 12:07am - love - by broke (man) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

#1635013
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7567) - you deserved it (93585)

On 05/04/2009 at 5:56pm - love - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

#1617373
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (96893) - you deserved it (266759)

On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

#1614370
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56516) - you deserved it (4383)

On 05/04/2009 at 12:25am - love - by pissed (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

#1589667
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61673) - you deserved it (7537)

On 05/03/2009 at 11:22am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had woken up very excited to celebrate my 21st birthday. I roll over in bed and ask my boyfriend if we can go out to the park to have a picnic, considering the lovely weather. He looked up at me and said, "You wish I loved you that much." He rolled back over and slept until 3 p.m. FML

#1520642
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78711) - you deserved it (8474)

On 05/01/2009 at 10:17am - love - by Anon (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I decided to run outside. I noticed a really hot guy mowing his lawn. I ran a couple of laps past him. After a while, when I slowed down, I smiled at him, and he replied You look really hot." I thanked him, and he quickly replied, "No, I mean you're sweating a lot." FML

#1505270
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16281) - you deserved it (46937)

On 04/30/2009 at 8:52pm - love - by Eli123 (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, a girl called me asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said "what the fuck" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

#1500727
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56547) - you deserved it (8448)

On 04/30/2009 at 7:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

#1475511
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (81576) - you deserved it (8011)

On 04/29/2009 at 10:11pm - love - by cgold (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was on the subway and saw this cute guy eyeing me. I crossed my legs, tossed back my hair, and raised my eyebrows slightly. As he came up to me, my heart started racing until he finally started flirting... with the girl next to me. FML

#1449850
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48080) - you deserved it (10657)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - love - by fmylifebad (woman) - United States (Texas)



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