Today, I was waiting for my boyfriend who evidently stood me up. I waited so long, the security came up and asked me to leave, because I was scaring the staff. FML

by anime_love / 09/17/2010 at 12:43am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend's dad offered me $100 to break up with his daughter. I eagerly replied "no", but my girlfriend grabbed the money and said, "deal." FML

by ccblock / 09/16/2010 at 9:30pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I decided to dye my hair to freshen up my appearance. I asked my husband for his opinion, expecting him to recommend a color. He then asked me why going on a diet wasn't my first option. FML

by Username / 09/16/2010 at 7:27pm / Love

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

by whatabitch / 09/16/2010 at 12:23pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I got a call from this girl I really like. Surprised, as I never get anything other than a text from her, I answered. All I heard were rustling sounds. She had pocket dialed me. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 3:04am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend who's sick, he told me he felt sleepy due to meds and was going to bed. I jokingly said, "you're going to call your other girlfriend, aren't you?" There was silence before I heard, "you weren't supposed to find out like this." FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2010 at 12:12am / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend and I broke up. When I got home from work, I came home to glitter. EVERYWHERE. Guess who forgot to get the key to his apartment back from his ex-girlfriend. The guy who's having his family over for dinner tonight. FML

by Anonymous / 09/15/2010 at 7:34pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, after telling me his other girlfriend is pregnant, my boyfriend said we should stay together so I could help out with the baby. FML

by Username / 09/15/2010 at 2:02pm / Love

Today, I saw a bad car wreck. I pulled over and ran to the car to find an unconscious man behind the wheel. Another car pulled up, and a guy got out. I was relieved to have help, until, to my horror, he started trying to hit on me. I was stuck with him until the ambulance arrived. FML

by badtiming / 09/15/2010 at 12:15am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend told me to stop saying "I love you" so much because it's starting to annoy her. FML

by migsman / 09/14/2010 at 10:43pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML

by Jackie / 09/14/2010 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, while at dinner with my current boyfriend, my ex walked in with his new girlfriend. The waiter put them at the table next to ours, and the two of them had a front row seat to me spilling an entire guacamole salad on my lap out of nervousness. FML

by anonymous / 09/14/2010 at 3:57am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

by tickyette / 09/14/2010 at 3:27am / United States / Love