Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, we had our divorce hearing and now it is final. As we were leaving the courthouse, I told my ex-wife how happy I was that we were finally free from each other. Then my junky old van wouldn't start and I had to beg her for a ride home. FML

#2929763
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13468) - you deserved it (63030)

On 06/16/2009 at 12:35am - love - by Aerostar (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

#2920786
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36264) - you deserved it (3353)

On 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm - love - by skreweduP (woman) - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a prospective blind date. He asked me to describe myself so I said that I was fun, attractive and a little chubby but not fat. My 7 year old sister walked up to me and screamed "Jesus doesn't like it when we lie!". FML

#2914098
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48341) - you deserved it (13755)

On 06/15/2009 at 3:11pm - love - by apparentlyugly (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML

#2911637
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43432) - you deserved it (6612)

On 06/15/2009 at 1:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, after buying the plane ticket to Glendale, CA to visit 17 year old Courtney who I met on a dating website, she called me for the first time to say that she was actually 19 year old Seth from Atlanta, GA. FML

#2903114
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14355) - you deserved it (88133)

On 06/15/2009 at 1:42am - love - by gabe8 (man) - Mexico (Nuevo Leon)

Today, I finally got enough courage to ask out this girl that I've liked for a year. While we were out at lunch, she ran into her ex that she had just broken up with. They then had a long conversation about their relationship, and ended up getting back together. She was my ride home. FML

#2853561
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49215) - you deserved it (3184)

On 06/13/2009 at 8:15am - love - by e.middlechild (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

#2853235
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48600) - you deserved it (6034)

On 06/13/2009 at 7:01am - love - by Mojo_Jojo (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML

Today, for the first time in over a year, my mother actually called me. I excitedly picked up the phone. All I heard was rustling; her purse dialed me. FML

#2851443
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49560) - you deserved it (2821)

On 06/13/2009 at 3:10am - love - by slukaa (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML

#2848981
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42042) - you deserved it (6666)

On 06/13/2009 at 1:17am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, as I was rehearsing a kissing scene for a play, I realized that before this play, the last guy I had kissed was the same one I was kissing now. It was also for a play. Four and a half years ago. FML

#2848917
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46330) - you deserved it (5164)

On 06/13/2009 at 1:16am - love - by iamrose (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, I found out that my 'girlfriend', who I've been emailing with, was really my friend playing a prank on me. He asked me for naked pictures of myself and I sent them to him. FML

#2842632
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21594) - you deserved it (72523)

On 06/12/2009 at 9:47pm - love - by Paco4242 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

#2839886
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61858) - you deserved it (4196)

On 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm - love - by vickyxanne (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: