Today, a guy asked for my number. He used the rather annoying "You know, this iPhone has everything... but you know the only thing that's missing is your number." I might have given it to him, if he did have the iPhone, not the makeshift box of Mini Wheat Thins he had in his hand. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 8:23pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because "I shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 7:28pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, it's my two year anniversary with my wife. She's celebrating the day with her new boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

by sugar / 10/18/2010 at 8:23am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had cheated on me with a minor. She is claiming rape and going to put him in jail. He asked me to help him pay for his attorney. FML

by Username / 10/18/2010 at 8:03am / Love

Today, I was shopping for pillows at Bed Bath and Beyond. My husband playfully picked up a pillow pretending to start a pillow fight. I grabbed the largest pillow and chased him with it. When I finally caught up with him, a manager came around the corner. I was escorted out. FML

by sofakingweetodit / 10/18/2010 at 7:52am / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend why he chose me out of all the hotter girls out there. He told me it's because I have great birthing hips. Apparently I'm having six children. FML

by louise. / 10/18/2010 at 5:06am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. I was really excited until he asked, "Can we go halfsies on the ring?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/18/2010 at 1:28am / United States (Illinois) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend and I were making fun of a photo album on Facebook containing pictures of two friends who just got engaged. I jokingly asked her to marry me. She said yes. We have been dating for two months. She's not in on the joke. FML

by jfranklin / 10/17/2010 at 9:39pm / United States / Love

Today, I called my parents to wish them a happy 28th anniversary. Now my mom's mad at my dad for forgetting, and my dad's mad at me for reminding her. FML

by JustCantWin / 10/17/2010 at 1:08pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love

Today, I went to see Jackass 3 in 3D. While the previews were playing, some guy sitting next to me leaned over and began telling me what happens in every scene, completely ruining the movie for me. He tried to get my number afterwards. FML

by dcait_1196 / 10/16/2010 at 9:14am / Love

Today, my sister and I were both on Facebook, updating our statuses. I set mine to "just got released from hospital with Baby Lily", as I'd had a baby earlier this week. My sister set hers to "menstrual blood smells like shrimp". Her status got 37 likes. Mine got none. FML

by married / 10/16/2010 at 8:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was having a romantic conversation with my boyfriend under the stars. He said, "You know how there are people who are beautiful on the inside and people who are beautiful on the outside? Yeah, well you're one of those 'inside' people." FML

by Annie / 10/16/2010 at 4:20am / India (Maharashtra) / Love