Today, my friend asked me how I did on my test. I got an 85%. She asked me what my secret was, and I said "I'm just smart". She replied, "No you're not. How did you pull it off?" FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2010 at 2:33pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was working my shift at the restaurant as a waiter when the girl I've been in love with for 4 years came in with her boyfriend. He asked me to hide the ring in their dessert. FML

by ringhider / 10/08/2010 at 12:55pm / France (Lorraine) / Love

Today, I asked my girlfriend's father if I could marry his daughter. He smiled, shook my hand, and said "No, now get out of my house." FML

by Vinny1017 / 10/07/2010 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I noticed that my wife changed her status on Facebook to "widow" and a lot of strange guys commented saying stuff like "Finally." Last I checked, I'm not dead. FML

by Alex / 10/07/2010 at 6:10am / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I was telling my boyfriend about how self conscious I am and how I obsess about my weight. He said, "Don't be ridiculous, you don't need to lose that much weight." FML

by Username / 10/06/2010 at 5:59pm / Love

Today, I went over to this girl's house that I really like. I was planning on cooking her dinner. In the process, the grease in the pan got too hot and caught fire. We ended up having to call the fire department. FML

by fireman / 10/06/2010 at 5:31am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be all right, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2010 at 3:21am / United Kingdom (London) / Love

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook. I didn't know her, but she was cute, so I accepted the request. After looking at her pictures, I sent her a message saying "What's up cutie, do I know you?". She responded "Yes, I'm your cousin". FML

by crucets / 10/06/2010 at 12:37am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I told the girl I've been seeing for a while about the strong feelings that I have for her and that I was falling in love. She told me my words made her realize what it felt like to be in love. My words were so powerful, in fact, that she ran right back into the arms of her ex boyfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2010 at 5:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend grabbed my love handles. It tickled, so I giggled and squirmed out of his grip. He looked at me quizzically and said, "I'm surprised you still have feeling there with all that fat." FML

by June / 10/05/2010 at 12:47am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my ex-girlfriend was having lunch with my parents. Believing she was in love with me and feeling the same, I dropped by. My parents told me that she’s their friend and that she has a boyfriend that they approve of, all while telling me I was never good enough for her. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 3:59pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I went jet skiing with my girlfriend of four years. I intended to propose to her. The $2000 ring fell out of my pocket and into the lake. I have no idea where it is. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2010 at 2:14pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was coming out of my work and a group of guys yelled, "Oh shoot girl!" and I blew them a kiss jokingly, then as I walked down the street, cars were honking at me, guys whistling. When I got home I noticed the foot long rip down my pencil skirt. FML

by ohshootgirl / 10/03/2010 at 10:06pm / United States (New York) / Love