Today, I finally made out with my boyfriend. Let's just say his idea of making out is moving his tongue like a lizard. FML

by lorrilanee / 11/20/2010 at 1:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was running the track at my school. My crush of two years was running in front of me, so I decided to catch up and finally talk to her. When I caught up, the only thing I could think to say was, "What's your name?" even though I already knew. She replied, "Natalie". Her name is Melissa. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 7:49pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my fiancé — a top chef — called me at work to make sure I would be home on time for the extra special dinner he'd prepared for me. The occasion, as I later discovered, was the end of our engagement. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2010 at 6:29pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I sent a text to a guy I'd met over the weekend. He'd traveled 40 miles to my town for the date, so I picked up the tab for dinner. My text simply said, "Had a nice time. Looking forward to getting together again." His reply was, "When did you get so needy?" FML

by needfulthing / 11/19/2010 at 10:00am / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2010 at 11:27am / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 9:32pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I asked my boyfriend what celebrity I look like. He thought long and hard, then said "Sarah Jessica Parker." I gasped and told him that I find her extremely hideous. He replied "So do I." FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 7:26pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend asked me to meet his parents over Christmas. I was ecstatic. But there was one condition: I must go dressed as a girl since he hasn't worked up the nerve to come out to his parents yet. We've been dating for over a year. FML

by neverdateaclosetcase / 11/17/2010 at 1:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I confessed to my best friend that I love him and always have. He whispered to himself, "Why do the fat chicks always want me?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/17/2010 at 3:03am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I came home sick. After a while I received a text message. I thought it was a sweet 'how are you baby?' from my boyfriend. It wasn't. He sent: 'Hey, I'm going to work now. Please do not disturb. Thank you!' FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2010 at 1:34am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Love

Today, my wife and I had one of the biggest arguments we've ever had, which resulted in her leaving, going to her parents' house and calling me twice, screaming and sobbing. The argument was over a seven dollar bottle of wine. Apparently, she was "saving it for a special occasion." FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 9:02pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 8:54pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were in my backyard goofing around when he tried to pick me up. He couldn't. I jokingly tried to lift him. I did so without much effort. FML

by kylie / 11/15/2010 at 4:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love