Today, my wife and I almost got a divorce over a game of Yahtzee. FML

by Username / 08/07/2011 at 5:44pm / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

by FML! / 08/06/2011 at 8:27pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was going to kiss my girlfriend for the first time. As I leaned in, closed my eyes, and was about to kiss her, she pushed me away and said, "Not with that pimple on your chin." FML

by pimples / 08/06/2011 at 9:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went to pick up some of my clothes from my boyfriend's apartment. While searching under his bed he pulled out a tank top and bra and asked if they were mine. They weren't. FML

by ashlyn / 08/06/2011 at 1:41am / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of a bad haircut. She was the one who cut my hair. FML

by meach / 08/06/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, the guy I've had the biggest crush on came to my house to pick me up for our first date. As we were leaving, my father screams out "Do you still have diarrhea?" I don't have diarrhea. My dad thinks he's so funny. FML

by Anon / 08/04/2011 at 4:30am / United States (Nevada) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I snuck into the bathroom together at his house for a quickie. Just as we unzipped our pants, his step-dad knocked on the door. Panicking, I jumped into the closet to hide. When his step-dad came in, he went to put some towels away. In the closet. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2011 at 1:03pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by writing a breakup note with permanent marker on my newly painted bedroom wall. FML

by thedancer5 / 08/03/2011 at 12:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML

by Cow_girl_cutie / 08/03/2011 at 3:47am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I realized that as a U.S. Marine in the infantry, I'm more afraid to talk to girls than I am of getting shot at. FML

by Tim / 08/03/2011 at 3:40am / United States / Love

Today, I went bowling with my parents. This cute guy works there and he always flirts with me. My mom just so happened to see it today. As we left, she says to him "You know she's 13, right?" I'm 17. FML

by Michelle / 08/03/2011 at 2:01am / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, my ex-boyfriend called to tell me that he had always made a point to eat some form of meat before making out with me. He'd known I was a vegetarian since the day we met. FML

by HaHa Not Funny / 08/02/2011 at 12:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

by notsomuch / 07/31/2011 at 11:09pm / United States (Maine) / Love