Today, my wife got so upset I didn't hold her while Snooki from Jersey Shore was crying, that after the episode was done she locked herself in our room crying. Now I have to sleep on the floor of my living room. Thanks Snooki. FML

by drastech99 / 09/23/2011 at 2:22am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend took me on a surprise date to an expensive restaurant. After the meal, he got down on his knee and proposed. We've only been dating for two weeks, so I said no. He just silently kept staring me in the eyes, no matter what I said or did. I ended up having to walk home. FML

by Storm / 09/22/2011 at 11:05pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

by nicole / 09/22/2011 at 6:31am / Reserved / Love

Today, my wife told me the main reason she married me is because I have a cool last name. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 2:39pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my girlfriend said I looked like ET and made me pose next to a full scale model of him while she took a picture. She's showing her friends the picture and they agree. FML

by srloin / 09/21/2011 at 12:42pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her new born son after me. FML

by cjy152 / 09/21/2011 at 10:44am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, and started to climb on top of him sexily. He blurted out, "Oh my god, you're like that girl from The Ring." FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 9:17am / United States / Love

Today, my girlfriend started to plan our wedding. We've been going out for 3 days. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 8:38am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

by PookaKay02 / 09/20/2011 at 12:26am / United States / Love

Today, my ex, whom I haven't seen in two years, contacted me. She was great company back in the day, wild in bed, the most attractive person I've ever dated, and totally uninterested in a serious relationship. She wants me to fix her computer. FML

by Tech Savvy / 09/19/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 4:27pm / United States / Love

Today, I went to see my boyfriend with the intention of breaking up with him. Instead I discovered that he lost his job today and has to move back in with his parents. I can't bring myself to dump someone who's already crying about his horrible day. Now I have to comfort my soon-to-be ex. FML

by stuck / 09/19/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love