Today, my girlfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years. She's pregnant. I'm a virgin. FML

by Nick / 07/08/2011 at 1:19am / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because apparently my mom hates him and doesn't want us to be together. My mom died six years ago. FML

by anonbob / 07/07/2011 at 9:28pm / New Zealand (Wellington) / Love

Today, I was propositioned by an incredibly pretty girl. I'm a 24 year old virgin; she's my best mate's girlfriend. She tells him everything when drunk, and he's a black-belt in karate. This could officially be classified as torture. FML

by Junktown / 07/07/2011 at 10:40am / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

by independence / 07/07/2011 at 12:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I tried to talk to my boyfriend about our communication problems. He fell asleep. FML

by Ella / 07/05/2011 at 7:48am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I laughed when I saw my ex-girlfriend in her overall uniform, thinking she'd got a job as a janitor. Turns out she's as professional marine welder. She's 22 years old and earns my monthly salary in three days. My current girlfriend who was there with me called me a loser in front of her. FML

by eatmywords / 07/05/2011 at 3:06am / Singapore / Love

Today, I was accused of cheating on my wife when an earring was found in our car. I knew it was my mom's missing earring but she didn't believe me. After calling my mom and getting them on the phone to clarify, my wife is upset I told my mother at all. Now I'm not a cheater, just an asshole. FML

by lostbandana / 07/02/2011 at 10:15pm / United States / Love

Today, I found out via Facebook that my brother got engaged several days ago. Not only did he not tell me, but we live in the same house. FML

by thanksfyi / 07/02/2011 at 5:51pm / Norway / Love

Today, while arm wrestling with my boyfriend, I had to pretend he beat me. FML

by fthislyfe / 07/02/2011 at 10:06am / United States (Wyoming) / Love

Today, I went to the carnival with a guy I like. When we went on the big scary ride where you flip upside down a lot, he asked me to be his girlfriend. Then, I threw up on him. FML

by Amanda / 07/02/2011 at 1:33am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I got more excited when two Kit-Kat bars fell at once in a vending machine than I did when I got married. FML

by jakewr / 07/02/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, my wife and I were watching TV. The lady on the show began to talk about how to have a smooth divorce. My wife discreetly turned the volume up. FML

by single / 07/01/2011 at 5:12am / China (Guangdong) / Love

Today, I got asked on a date. I was later told we had to cancel. Why? My ex is parked in front of his house and he is afraid to leave. FML

by nolove4me / 06/29/2011 at 4:41pm / United States (Alaska) / Love