Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

by DyingPlants / 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

by Slayer / 10/09/2011 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

by Emily S / 10/09/2011 at 1:17am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

by EFFFF / 10/08/2011 at 6:10pm / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML

by Cassidy / 10/08/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with posted pics of them kissing on Facebook, and tagged me in them. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 9:04am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 10:13pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 3:00pm / United States / Love

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

by andy1r / 10/07/2011 at 2:41am / Bolivia (El Beni) / Love

Today, I finally found the courage to tell my drug addict husband that I'm leaving him. He sat in his chair, denying using drugs, ever. Right after he said this, he passed out and spilled hot coffee on himself. He then denied spilling the coffee. As I was leaving, he took all of my shoes. FML

by stacyyvonne / 10/06/2011 at 10:53pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2011 at 11:23am / United States (Minnesota) / Love

Today, I was supposed to get married but we had to postpone as the best man fled the country. With the marriage certificate and vendor money. Not to mention the rings. FML

by princesspuffypan / 10/05/2011 at 2:23am / South Africa / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.