Today, I mentioned to my wife that we should try marriage counseling. She responded by denying it while throwing a carton of milk at me. FML

by crapedup / 10/10/2011 at 7:11pm / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, after a root canal, I went to the pharmacy for some pain killers. The cute girl behind the counter asked what I needed. When I opened my mouth to tell her, a wave of drool hurtled out and splattered on the counter. FML

by maninpain / 10/10/2011 at 3:44pm / Kenya / Love

Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML

by thatgirl / 10/10/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, during my first date with a girl I've liked for awhile, she tells me about some minor disabilities she was born with. Wanting to be honest with her too, I tell her I'm slightly autistic. Her response was, "I'm sorry this isn't going to work. I can't date a retard." I had to eat alone after that. FML

by DyingPlants / 10/09/2011 at 11:27pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I went out to lunch with a couple of work buddies. Trying to be suave, I started hitting on our waitress. Not two seconds after saying, "Hey baby," I felt ice water on my balls. The guy next to me had spilled both our water glasses. FML

by Slayer / 10/09/2011 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, I let a guy I like look at my phone. A second later I remembered I had a secret copy of his Facebook profile picture on there to show a friend what he looked like. I was forced to tackle him to get my phone back. FML

by Emily S / 10/09/2011 at 1:17am / Australia (Western Australia) / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months started a bitter fight with me. The cause was me repeatedly refusing to dye my hair the way his beloved ex did. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 8:24pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

by EFFFF / 10/08/2011 at 6:10pm / United States (Idaho) / Love

Today, I found out that my crush didn't make up a fake girlfriend to get me jealous; he made her up as a way to tell me to back off. FML

by Cassidy / 10/08/2011 at 12:01pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with posted pics of them kissing on Facebook, and tagged me in them. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2011 at 9:04am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 10:13pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, after we got home from the doctor's office, my mom checked the voicemail. Loud and clear, we both heard my boyfriend's break-up message. My parents had already forbidden me from dating. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 3:00pm / United States / Love

Today, my future mother-in-law gave me advice on life. One piece of advice was that I should leave her son. FML

by andy1r / 10/07/2011 at 2:41am / Bolivia (El Beni) / Love