Bad timing

By anonymous - 26/06/2016 03:50 - United States - Knoxville

Today, my boyfriend invited me over to his house. I was planning on breaking up with him while at his house. Turns out, it was a proposal party. I'm now engaged because it would've been rude to say no in front of his family that had flown in. FML
I agree, your life sucks 13 707
You deserved it 7 398

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Oh gosh take him aside in private explain why you think it's a bad idea and that you really resent the way you feel forced to say yes, do not stick around for the sake of politeness it's not healthy

Although I can see why you gave in to the social pressure, you should've immediately asked for a private minute and told him about your feelings. This was not ok on his part! You should never ever propose in public if you haven't talked about marriage beforehand and are absolutely 100% sure of your partners intentions. It's absolutely assholeish to pressure your SO into saying yes by inviting all of your family.

Comments

Oh gosh take him aside in private explain why you think it's a bad idea and that you really resent the way you feel forced to say yes, do not stick around for the sake of politeness it's not healthy

MikaykayUnicorn 36

I ******* HATE when guys make a huge deal out of proposals. Yeah, I get it, you wanna go big and involve all your family and friends, and if she genuinely wants to marry you it's great and works out fine and it's a wonderful celebration for all. But there are the few occasions where she doesn't want to marry you but feels forced because you proposed publically/invited all your family/spent a lot of money/etc. and then they end up in an unhappy relationship because they couldn't say no to a proposal because they didn't want to be rude.

Malsain_fml 10

Agreed! You can make a big thing out of proposal and tell freinds and familiy the same way... by meeting them after the other person said yes. But proposing can, by no means, be done with someone around. It's totally private. You might be involved in a relationship and still not want/be sure to get married. The other person has the right to feel free to say no, which is already quite difficult evene face to face.

This is only going to make matters worse. Sit him down and have a talk.

yeah, because it's a lot better to keep his hopes und dreams up. How polite :P

Honestly, I don't understand why she just didn't say no, either by pulling him aside or the same way he asked her: publicly. When she returns the ring, the truth is going to come out anyway. Maybe I'm just simple Simon.

I'd flat out say no. Yes it's awful to do in front of everyone(so is a public proposal), but it let's you say no and then run away lol.

dubby21 19

Dont be one of those that sticks around because you dont want to hurt his feelings. Thats the worst thing you can do to a person OP. :/ Good luck.

I'd argue that the worst thing you can do to a person besides assaulting them or killing their family is dropping a surprise public proposal on them, actually. If her soon-to-be-ex writes a follow-up FML after she dumps him, I'll gleefully vote YDI.

Although I can see why you gave in to the social pressure, you should've immediately asked for a private minute and told him about your feelings. This was not ok on his part! You should never ever propose in public if you haven't talked about marriage beforehand and are absolutely 100% sure of your partners intentions. It's absolutely assholeish to pressure your SO into saying yes by inviting all of your family.

Don't just assume #5. For all we know they have talked about it before but something came up that OP changed her mind and that's why she was going to break up for him. I just love how the FML community always puts blame on the guy with this kind of stuff.

FieldLeftBlank 20

There's always that one person to bring sexism into it. How do you know OP is female, by the way?

Given the prevalence of people that apparently think public proposals are the way to go, I think it's way more likely that they hadn't talked beforehand. I'm giving the boyfriend the benefit of the doubt and not jumping straight to thinking that he could sense that the relationship was starting to go downhill and used the public proposal to intentionally pressure OP, but that is also a possibility.

Yeah it's totally the boyfriends fault that he proposed at his house with his family there, his bad for wanting his family to see it.

You do realize we don't do it in public just for pressure right?

I'll never understand public proposals. I personally think it's tacky and pressure filled, whether you mean it to be or not. I think a proposal should be intimate and private, and then have an engagement party after if you want your friends and family included in the celebration. That's just my opinion though.

@32. He/she probably assumed that he was proposing to a girl because only about .3% of the population is gay. It's just a statistic. It's the same reason boys toys are usually in a blue isle and the girls toys are in the pink. Most young girls like pink and most young boys like blue. Those are both assumptions based off of statistics so stop being an oversensitive SJW.

Pink is literally only the color for girls because Hitter decided to use it to mark gay people. Before pink was the color for boys and was considered manly because it looked like red, which looks like blood. It has nothing to do with one gender liking the color more.

@#61, Wow, only .3% of the population is gay? Where are you getting your statistics? I've always seen estimates of more like 10%, and most statistics are probably under, because some people are still in the closet and are afraid to admit it.

stop it now before it gets worse. I understand if you didn't wanna look like a bad person infront of his family saying no. but it's worse if you just go along with it and cancel later. trust me, it's better to make someone feel bad with honesty than making them feel good with lies

MelRose520 2

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

OP doesn't want a commitment to this person. They were planning on breaking up and only said "yes" because of the social pressure. They shouldn't compound that mistake by waiting a few weeks. They should let him know their true feelings as soon as possible.

I dunno, I'd probably wait a little bit, too, but it depends on the relationship. If OP still likes the bf but doesn't want to marry him, I'd wait. I assume they've been together a bit, so what's a week or two? I wouldn't want to embarrass him after the family flew in. That said, if this was an out-of-the-blue proposal and the bf was being really presumptive, tell him once the family is gone. He can tell them whatever he wants. Sucks for OP, but I'll let her/him make the call for how long to wait before telling the bf the bad news.

MelRose520 2

no I didn't mean it in that manner. she only said yes because the family was there egging her on. I think she should wait until they're gone and the pressure is gone when she talks to him and avoid the embarrassment for both of them. either way she should do it soon.

#48 he/she clearly doesn't like the boyfriend anymore considering they wanted to break up with them. #49 While family does make it worse, I would still suggest talking to the boyfriend asap because they are more important than the family. I would have done it before saying yes or no and sure the family ends up seeing but it's still better that way, they'll know eventually.

Break up with him later don't get married divorce is a lot worse then not marrying him

When a person no longer love the other person, there is no reason to stay, don't suffer just because his entire family was present at the proposal party. It's your life, live it the way you want. Not because others want it. Good luck.

Invite him over to your house to have a break up party in front of your family.

bonehead69 15

such a dick thing to do.. but Hella funny