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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

#16303976
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35221) - you deserved it (18999)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm - kids - by Fatty1970 - United States (Florida)

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

#16301651
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53079) - you deserved it (4103)

On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - kids - by Adoptee (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

#16256020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28065) - you deserved it (4720)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

#16235054
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32999) - you deserved it (12562)

On 05/18/2011 at 6:57am - kids - by JCC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40144) - you deserved it (10739)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

#16197778
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27642) - you deserved it (5799)

On 05/15/2011 at 11:40pm - kids - by blewidstepr (woman) -

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

#16167560
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31887) - you deserved it (7859)

On 05/14/2011 at 2:50am - kids - by whytoday - United States

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

#16154478
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35066) - you deserved it (15131)

On 05/13/2011 at 3:20am - kids - by eenkoekje -

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

#16116610
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43568) - you deserved it (5465) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/10/2011 at 10:56am - kids - by Hahapasdroleleptit - France

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35355) - you deserved it (11576)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

#16111530
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33219) - you deserved it (8045)

On 05/09/2011 at 10:34pm - kids - by richkief76 -

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

#16091812
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32483) - you deserved it (4210)

On 05/08/2011 at 2:25pm - kids - by jill (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

#16068567
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29284) - you deserved it (8935)

On 05/06/2011 at 3:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)



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