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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, while driving with my three year old, I was showing her the different kinds of birds. I pointed out a bright red cardinal perched in a row of hedges. She squealed as it took flight, so happy to see such a brightly colored birdie fly. Until it hit my windshield. FML

#16520207
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31423) - you deserved it (4240)

On 06/05/2011 at 9:44pm - kids - by Whoops (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got to see my son's dream of being on television come true. Unfortunately, it was because he'd been arrested for trying to rob a bank. FML

#16468673
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38739) - you deserved it (5420)

On 06/02/2011 at 2:43pm - kids - by fuck (man) - United States

Today, my 12 year old cousin decided that "all men are pigs" and deleted every male contact in my phone. FML

#16434926
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37500) - you deserved it (4488)

On 05/31/2011 at 12:47pm - kids - by Ann - United States (Michigan)

Today, I let my son drive us home. After just 10 feet, he crashed into a parked cop car. It was my squad car. FML

#16398150
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (14749)

On 05/29/2011 at 4:12am - kids - by adogg18 - United States (California)

Today, I asked my kids if I looked good before going to work. Smiling, they told me I looked wonderful. It wasn't until I got to work and looked into the mirror until I noticed my left eyebrow was gone. FML

#16391580
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33390) - you deserved it (7611)

On 05/28/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by tb351 - United States

Today, I came home from work, only to find the babysitter passed out on the couch with a bottle of Jack Daniel's. At some point, it seems my son had taken the liberty of peeing on her while she slept. FML

#16375821
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38197) - you deserved it (5748)

On 05/27/2011 at 6:09pm - kids - by diddlebuag - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went to a friend's wedding. While I was holding my four year old son, he managed to unclip the back of my dress and give the whole church a show. FML

#16334194
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35747) - you deserved it (4537)

On 05/24/2011 at 9:34pm - kids - by OhDear (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I found out that whenever I send my son to his room, he goes on his iPod and buys the most expensive apps he can find. So far I've been charged $600. FML

#16332593
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23041) - you deserved it (50714)

On 05/24/2011 at 8:02pm - kids - by StupidApple -

Today, I received a visit from a social worker. My son told his teacher I was starving him, all because I refused to let him eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast. FML

#16310426
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39247) - you deserved it (4121)

On 05/23/2011 at 7:58am - kids - by Bad Parent -

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

#16307773
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31345) - you deserved it (8054)

On 05/23/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by sleepy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

#16303976
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35216) - you deserved it (18998)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm - kids - by Fatty1970 - United States (Florida)

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

#16301651
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53076) - you deserved it (4103)

On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - kids - by Adoptee (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

#16256020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28056) - you deserved it (4719)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)



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