Today, my 14-year-old brother told me he needed help with something "very personal." Thinking he wanted girlfriend advice or something, I said, "Sure, no problem". He wanted me to shave his butt crack. FML

by liquid_sasquatch / 05/29/2012 at 6:40pm / United States / Kids

Today, I had to teach my younger brother to shave with a regular disposable razor because our dad uses an electric one and I'm the only other person in the family with enough facial hair to know how to use a razor. I probably would have been proud if I wasn't a girl. FML

by The Bearded Woman / 05/29/2012 at 12:06am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, my son was fired from his new job, which was going to support us since I recently lost mine. His excuse was, "Conflict of interest." He was a mascot for a fast-food restaurant and refused to dance around. FML

by Shianna / 05/28/2012 at 6:00pm / United States (Maine) / Kids

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

by Anon / 05/28/2012 at 1:01am / United States / Kids

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

by Never Work With Animals or Children / 05/26/2012 at 7:06am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Kids

Today, my teenage daughter asked me if accents are hereditary. FML

by Anonymous / 05/24/2012 at 9:37pm / United States (Kansas) / Kids

Today, I was choosing my soft drink at a restaurant. The kid in front of me was too short to reach the lids so I handed him one. His mom rushed over, pried it out of his hands, threw it away, and yelled, "She's filthy, don't use that." FML

by td1078 / 05/24/2012 at 11:50am / United States (Maryland) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 9:24pm / United States / Kids

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

by sickdisney / 05/21/2012 at 2:42pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

by 23yearoldtoddler / 05/18/2012 at 10:13am / United States / Kids

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

by Anonymous / 05/17/2012 at 12:35am / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

by inapickle / 05/16/2012 at 4:20am / United States (Maine) / Kids