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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML

#12693453
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8163) - you deserved it (68028)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

#12693106
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8546) - you deserved it (28159)

On 08/23/2010 at 12:03am - kids - by laughxlove - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter. I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do you have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing. FML

#12677495
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41699) - you deserved it (12557)

On 08/22/2010 at 2:58am - kids - by Bailey - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my aunt asked me to babysit my cousin. She gave me a warning that he says he's allergic to foods to get out of eating them. When I brought out my homemade cooking, he told me he was allergic, so I made him eat it anyway. Turns out he WAS allergic. FML

#12582997
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34546) - you deserved it (11678)

On 08/17/2010 at 1:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

#12498978
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39593) - you deserved it (2934)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:28pm - kids - by Bullet - United States

Today, I was at the pool with two boys I baby sit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML

#12498801
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35459) - you deserved it (8818)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:14pm - kids - by qtpieo1 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was playing a math game with a 4th grade boy (I'm a college graduate). I cheated during the entire game, and still lost 7 of the 9 rounds we played. FML

#12346285
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8143) - you deserved it (40506)

On 08/06/2010 at 2:45am - kids - by riahta (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

#12241266
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33020) - you deserved it (11339)

On 08/01/2010 at 4:45am - kids - by kfoehslfns - United States (Oregon)

Today, I realized every time I go to take a poop, my 9 month old crawls into the bathroom and sobs at my feet. I now have to let my 9 month old sit on my lap while I shit, because I can't do it any other way. The end to all privacy has now come. FML

#12146210
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30267) - you deserved it (9425)

On 07/27/2010 at 2:44pm - kids - by mr - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

#12108536
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26122) - you deserved it (9719)

On 07/25/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by animelover (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

#12097515
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23706) - you deserved it (3100)

On 07/25/2010 at 2:17am - kids - by longdrive (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was cleaning a pan. I turned the water on, and it was super hot. My reaction was to slam my hand down. On a knife. So, not only do I have a burned hand, but there's also a huge cut on it from the knife. FML

#12077410
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24015) - you deserved it (9310)

On 07/24/2010 at 1:09am - kids - by HarvestMoon_gal (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out my parents are getting divorced. They're fighting over the dog instead of my sister and me. FML

#12002440
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41231) - you deserved it (3464)

On 07/20/2010 at 12:29pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)



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