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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

#17629318
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44483) - you deserved it (12469)

On 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm - kids - by MJjunior (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep and completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34188) - you deserved it (3242)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

#17620936
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30244) - you deserved it (3627)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

#17615072
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36876) - you deserved it (3555)

On 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm - kids - by slavelaborsux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

#17606704
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33564) - you deserved it (9316)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

#17589852
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43385) - you deserved it (4058)

On 08/26/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by candie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was installing updates on my 16 year old daughter's laptop, when I got the urge to snoop around. I found a 5,000 word sex story involving her and the Edward and Jacob weirdos from the Twilight movies. I can't even look her in the eyes. I can't believe I raised this freak. FML

#17589386
683 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32538) - you deserved it (52427)

On 08/26/2011 at 9:13pm - kids - by f*ckingdisgusted - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

#17560241
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30562) - you deserved it (5953)

On 08/23/2011 at 5:55pm - kids - by BerzerkelyBongBabe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

#17557352
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37826) - you deserved it (4713)

On 08/23/2011 at 11:55am - kids - by Username - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, it was my birthday, and my kids gave me my car keys I had "lost" a week ago. FML

#17547713
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28689) - you deserved it (2909)

On 08/22/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by rene - United States (Texas)

Today, I was upset after a fight with my husband, so I cried alone in the bedroom. My 4-year-old son then comes in and hugs me. I thought he was trying to comfort me, but he then told me he had to go get his quarter my husband had promised to pay him if he made me shut up. FML

#17545314
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32892) - you deserved it (3938)

On 08/22/2011 at 3:38am - kids - by Danielle - United States (New York)

Today, I finally realized the reason my son's grades have been dropping so much. Every time I drop him off at his tutor's house, they play Call of Duty until I pick him up. FML

#17534893
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35193) - you deserved it (5683)

On 08/21/2011 at 1:48am - kids - by callofdutyhater - United States (California)

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

#17528012
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32455) - you deserved it (8248)

On 08/20/2011 at 10:08am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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