Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28518) - you deserved it (17117)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

#17301122
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36768) - you deserved it (6800)

On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152
227 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30144) - you deserved it (15585)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I learned that my daughter's gerbils are not afraid of the vacuum cleaner. FML

#17279585
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27038) - you deserved it (9503)

On 07/27/2011 at 2:09pm - kids - by corasmom (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my 8 year old son cut his own hair. He did a better job than I ever did. I'm a hairdresser. FML

#17279085
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16816) - you deserved it (31256)

On 07/27/2011 at 12:35pm - kids - by buiuuum - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to the OC fair. He was taking a picture of me in front of a giant mechanical butterfly at the insect exhibit. Playfully, he told me to pretend to be a butterfly, so I quickly lifted my arms, just in time to slap a 7 year old girl in the face. FML

#17271293
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28847) - you deserved it (5503)

On 07/26/2011 at 7:19pm - kids - by slappedright (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I called my seven-year old son to help me with the ice-maker on the fridge because it wasn't working. Without even pausing, he turned the child lock off and started laughing at me. FML

#17260733
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13995) - you deserved it (36405)

On 07/25/2011 at 11:19pm - kids - by unnamed - United States (California)

Today, as I was hung over from a concert and refusing to get out of bed, my dad decided to hook up his top notch speaker system and play Christmas music that shook the house. It's July. Let the family weekend begin. FML

#17228318
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23206) - you deserved it (14153)

On 07/23/2011 at 10:18am - kids - by lauramarie (woman) - Canada

Today, my husband, who is in the Navy, had a couple of his sailor friends over to hang out. The stereotype about their swearing is true. My two year old now won't stop saying "Fuck." FML

#17224016
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31352) - you deserved it (4747)

On 07/23/2011 at 12:05am - kids - by oliveoyl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was helping a 7 year old student in my martial arts class with his kicks. My reward? A surprisingly powerful kick to the testicles. FML

#17214769
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28608) - you deserved it (6405)

On 07/22/2011 at 6:51am - kids - by TKDConnor92 (man) - United Kingdom (Gloucestershire)

Today, my three-year-old daughter rushed in, excited about her new baby brother or sister. She was so excited, I didn't have the heart to tell her men can't have babies, and I just have a beer gut. FML

#17207646
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29027) - you deserved it (14666)

On 07/21/2011 at 7:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, after spending time with my daughter and painting her nails she gives me a hug and says, "Mommy I love you, but I love daddy much better!" FML

#17190243
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34910) - you deserved it (4271)

On 07/20/2011 at 12:37pm - kids - by Taylor - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a call from a man yelling and cursing at me, calling me a "selfish no-life asshole" for getting his "baby girl" pregnant. I'm 29 and she is 27 and we have been married for 3 years. FML

#17187115
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50112) - you deserved it (2984)

On 07/20/2011 at 3:40am - kids - by Harry - United States



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