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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I thought it would be funny to smack my daughter's head gently with a balloon. It hit her hair clip and exploded. She won't stop crying, and my wife will be home any minute. I'm screwed. FML

#21100295
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41212) - you deserved it (17866)

On 03/30/2014 at 4:36pm - kids - by and not even in the good way (man) - United States

Today, I asked my daughter to buy me two pints of milk. Apparently, the shop only had four-pints, so she got that and poured half down the drain. FML

#21099986
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43168) - you deserved it (6290)

On 03/30/2014 at 6:04am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Havering)

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

#21098025
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38341) - you deserved it (4756)

On 03/27/2014 at 8:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I met my future mother-in-law. All went well; she complimented my dress, and I complimented her haircut. Then she and her son had a screaming match over how our children will be fat because of their mother. FML

#21093159
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38638) - you deserved it (3487)

On 03/22/2014 at 12:49am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43999) - you deserved it (5747)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, I found out why my dad always treated me badly as a kid compared to my siblings. It's because I was conceived while my mom was cheating on him. On top of that, he made it clear that he still doesn't consider me a "real" part of the family. FML

#21091901
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51119) - you deserved it (2992)

On 03/20/2014 at 4:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

#21088838
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35553) - you deserved it (3675)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:51am - kids - by BondingTime - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45857) - you deserved it (8631)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, we finally moved into our new home, which my husband and I got mostly so our kids could have fun in the spacious backyard. The moment they stepped into the backyard, they were terrorized by the neighbor's dogs, and now refuse to go outside. FML

Today, my neighbor came over and yelled at me for traumatizing her kids. What did I do? Nothing. Her kids entered my back yard, dug up my 1-month-dead hamster and freaked out. FML

#21084613
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44249) - you deserved it (3046)

On 03/12/2014 at 2:39am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37830) - you deserved it (5511)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found out that my 15-year-old son is a prolific creator of My Little Pony themed hentai. I'm not a judgmental man, but he's probably going to hell. FML

#21082455
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41067) - you deserved it (7752)

On 03/09/2014 at 6:32pm - kids - by ashamed father (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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