Today, when my son gets mad in a store, he will scream stranger danger and run away from me, and to an employee, and ask for help. FML

by anonymous / 03/13/2016 at 3:53pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my 17 year old daughter told me she was going to bake a cake. When she finished she offered me one and it was crunchy. I asked her why and she said the recipe said to put eggs in. She put them in whole. FML

by anonymous / 03/06/2016 at 12:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I had to explain to my 27 year-old sister why a stainless steel fork isn't a good toy for my 8 month-old baby. Twice. FML

by m0m / 03/04/2016 at 9:01am / Belgium (Antwerpen) / Kids

Today, I had to use a sick day from the school I teach at. While I was off, another teacher called me mid delirium, because my students were borderline rioting over the work I left for them. I'd asked them to read a book and edit the one-page essay they've had two weeks to work on. FML

by norestforthewicked / 03/02/2016 at 3:41pm / United States / Kids

Today, I walked my girlfriend home. As I kissed her goodbye, I heard a high-pitched scream and turned just in time to see her little brother charge head-first into my nuts. All because I kissed her on the cheek. FML

by Racked / 03/01/2016 at 1:00pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I helped my mom put away my baby sister's clothes. She's only a week old and has around 60 outfits. I have 4. FML

by well damn / 02/29/2016 at 5:17pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I think my unborn child has developed a sense of humour. The little cherub is usually very calm, but must have realised that if he/she kicks me hard enough in this particular place near my bladder, I'll piss myself on the spot like a race horse. It's happened twice now. FML

by Spraylady / 02/29/2016 at 4:45pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

by wellthisisbad / 02/29/2016 at 7:27am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, my nephew gave me a piece of gum. He's not one to share, so I was rather shocked at his kindness. After a while chewing, he admitted he gave it to me because the pack was in his pocket when he peed his pants. FML

by Joseph / 02/26/2016 at 9:52pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, my daughter taught me the literal meaning of "When the shit hits the fan." FML

by WhosGoingToCleanThisUp / 02/26/2016 at 2:52pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I have to attend a mandatory parenting class due to a false report filed against me with CPS. My son's school play is at the same time as today's class, and I'll have to miss it so I can learn how to be a "better mom". FML

by irony / 02/25/2016 at 10:08am / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

Today, at preschool, I got to meet the mother of my daughter's best friend. She complimented mine's grades, and noted her quirkiness. I complimented her's for being congenial and being well-rounded. Later, my daughter said they are no longer besties because her mom said I called her daughter fat. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2016 at 3:35pm / Philippines / Kids

Today, my little cousin told me about how he never wipes his ass, because if he doesn't he doesn't need to wash his hands. FML

by 1meme129 / 02/24/2016 at 9:12am / United States (Colorado) / Kids