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Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46423) - you deserved it (27787)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I learned that my daughter was looking for love in all the wrong places, specifically the county jail. FML

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

#21152005
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45891) - you deserved it (5302)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

#21149341
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40736) - you deserved it (4147)

On 05/23/2014 at 3:32pm - kids - by todaddy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my daughter admitted why her grades, which are usually straight A's, have been slipping the past few weeks. Turns out she has been deliberately failing tests to avoid becoming valedictorian, so she won't have to deliver a speech at graduation. FML

#21148414
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49077) - you deserved it (6062)

On 05/22/2014 at 3:24pm - kids - by stillaproudfather (man) - United States

Today, my brother tried to give my dog a walk by attaching an RC helicopter to the leash and following him while flying it. He broke the RC helicopter which cost 300 dollars, and we had to search for the dog for 3 hours. FML

#21147533
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40549) - you deserved it (8270)

On 05/21/2014 at 5:38pm - kids - by Ace - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had to take my daughter home from school because she had been caught flashing the boys during class. I tried to explain to her that it wasn't an appropriate way to act or behave but she interrupted me, "Mom, you don't even understand." You're right. I don't. FML

#21146764
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44832) - you deserved it (6290)

On 05/20/2014 at 10:24pm - kids - by HouseWife - United States (Missouri)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45746) - you deserved it (5289)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

#21143663
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42986) - you deserved it (4901)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:51am - kids - by WolfieJL (woman) - United States

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

#21141320
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46927) - you deserved it (3885)

On 05/15/2014 at 11:15pm - kids - by madbirthdaymomma (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

#21140812
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37953) - you deserved it (5047)

On 05/15/2014 at 4:38pm - kids - by jessicab72 - United States (Ohio)



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