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Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45218) - you deserved it (5068)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

#17980491
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28800) - you deserved it (3102)

On 10/14/2011 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

#17980365
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27770) - you deserved it (3780)

On 10/14/2011 at 2:09am - kids - by TurtleTeacher (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I overheard my husband talking to our 6 year-old about animals for a project. I listened, thinking it was cute, until my husband said gleefully, "Remember to say this in your project: octopuses have 8 testicles." FML

#17973930
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29088) - you deserved it (3349)

On 10/13/2011 at 8:24am - kids - by daddoesn'tknowbest - United States

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13175) - you deserved it (44085)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I came home from work to find the front door wide open, the stove on, my 5 year old cutting up the curtain, and my 2 year old smearing chocolate sauce on the floor. My fiancé was nowhere to be found. Later on, I got a text from him saying that he'd gone to watch the footy. FML

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

#17939452
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27915) - you deserved it (6332)

On 10/08/2011 at 11:53pm - kids - by hairless - Canada (Quebec)

Today, in an incredibly busy shopping center bathroom with my 5 year-old niece, I was squatting over the toilet seat to avoid germs. My niece then says at the top of her voice, "Auntie, why are you sitting like a kangaroo?" I'd say the whole room pissed their pants laughing. FML

#17910752
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22887) - you deserved it (7574)

On 10/05/2011 at 11:29am - kids - by Pissed (woman) - Australia

Today, my son thought it was a good idea to spray deodorant into his mouth because he wanted fresh breath. This resulted in him passing out. My son is 17. FML

#17892835
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35183) - you deserved it (5583)

On 10/03/2011 at 12:26am - kids - by Ramis182 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML

#17884513
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33112) - you deserved it (9254)

On 10/02/2011 at 3:27am - kids - by TraumatizedMother (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting a young boy. I accidentally let a few words slip when I dropped something. He won't stop dropping the F bomb and his mother is coming to get him in the morning. FML

#17883500
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10271) - you deserved it (34165)

On 10/02/2011 at 12:53am - kids - by Kelly - United States (Florida)

Today, I got mad at my 4 year old son for cussing me out. Afterwards, I went upstairs to get ready for the day. When I came back downstairs I found him pooping on my brand new leather couch. FML

#17880683
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29140) - you deserved it (11229)

On 10/01/2011 at 7:10pm - kids - by kewtness_17 - United States (Texas)

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

#17874852
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32086) - you deserved it (3156)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm - kids - by jesus christ - United States



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