Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
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Man or woman?

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

#18614231
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29709) - you deserved it (2736)

On 12/26/2011 at 4:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, with the cost of craft supplies that ended in a DIY fail, then a costume and overnight shipping, I have now spent $90 to obtain a $10 hat and vest for my daughter to play a cow in the school Christmas play. She will say "Moo" three times with 5 other cows before leaving the stage. FML

#18597076
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23477) - you deserved it (7158)

On 12/24/2011 at 9:38am - kids - by Broke Mama (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I found out that my estranged daughter has been married for five years. I wasn't told of or invited to their wedding, and the only reason I know now is because she needs money for a divorce lawyer. FML

#18590110
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29364) - you deserved it (4494)

On 12/23/2011 at 3:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I walked in on my daughter eating a handful of styrofoam packing pellets, because she thought they were Christmas candy. She's fourteen. What's next, eating rocks? FML

#18588984
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28669) - you deserved it (4603)

On 12/23/2011 at 1:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML

#18561778
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18410) - you deserved it (24830)

On 12/20/2011 at 1:59pm - kids - by imamomma - United States

Today, I found out that, when mad at us, my son picks the tops off his shoulder-pimples and sprinkles them in our food. FML

#18559363
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42951) - you deserved it (5119)

On 12/20/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Pimpleeater (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I dropped my 7-year-old son off at school. He decided to have fun and step out of my car screaming "Stranger danger" while running away and pointing at me. I then had to get out of my car to shut the door he'd left wide open. This caused 20 other kids to scream "Stranger danger" as well. FML

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

#18534964
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34431) - you deserved it (6202) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/17/2011 at 10:42am - kids - by espylone - France

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

Today, my 7-year-old daughter came up to me in a noisy mall and said "boo-boo" pointing to her hand. Not paying enough attention, I kissed her hand to make her feel better. She grimaced and said "No dad, bird poo." FML

#18525865
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28750) - you deserved it (13524)

On 12/16/2011 at 4:08am - kids - by Oily (man) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML

#18495546
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39706) - you deserved it (4163)

On 12/12/2011 at 4:45pm - kids - by Santa - Canada (Ontario)

Today, our Christmas tree was damaged beyond repair after my son and his friends borrowed it for a little experiment. They tied balloons to the branches and tried to make it fly, after seeing a similar video online. FML

#18468600
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22494) - you deserved it (3237)

On 12/09/2011 at 1:44pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my daughter to see Santa at the mall. When I went to pick her up from Santa's lap, my watch snagged on his beard, pulling it off in front of my daughter and about twenty kids in line. My daughter still isn't speaking to me. FML

#18460196
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29396) - you deserved it (4832)

On 12/08/2011 at 12:41pm - kids - by childdreamkiller (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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