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Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML

#19913255
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29780) - you deserved it (3977)

On 07/09/2012 at 3:31am - kids - by LNamesOnly (man) - Australia

Today, a woman asked why my daughter doesn't look remotely like me. I just smiled and shrugged it off, but the truth is that she looks exactly like I did before I got my botched plastic surgery. FML

#19905347
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9160) - you deserved it (40415)

On 07/07/2012 at 3:13pm - kids - by momolee (woman) - Saudi Arabia (Ar Riyad)

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to pretend my tampons were "dynamite" and run around the house throwing them at my friends and family. FML

#19893089
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23694) - you deserved it (2410)

On 07/05/2012 at 12:01am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked the 7-year-old that I was babysitting if he could burp on command. He said he could, and began to demonstrate. It turns out he couldn't purposely burp, but he definitely could vomit on command. FML

#19884890
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9588) - you deserved it (27617)

On 07/03/2012 at 7:33am - kids - by ew (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in the shower, when I heard my daughter scream and shout, "Mommy, mommy! Help! Come quick!" I panicked and rushed downstairs without even looking for a towel to cover myself, all so I could find out she'd just gotten a piece of dirt on her shoe. FML

#19881978
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25037) - you deserved it (2732)

On 07/02/2012 at 5:17pm - kids - by Sh*t (woman) - Venezuela (Distrito Federal)

Today, my daughter told me that she wanted to live with her father because they have a faster internet connection. FML

#19875787
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29946) - you deserved it (6053)

On 07/01/2012 at 12:00pm - kids - by grrr1234 -

Today, while at work, I witnessed a kid empty his bladder all over the floor. His mother walked over, looked at me, said "yep... that just happened" and dragged him away. I'm a 30-year-old man, four credits shy of a Master's, stuck cleaning up piss at a dead-end job. FML

#19867742
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26125) - you deserved it (3000)

On 06/29/2012 at 7:12pm - kids - by ihatewalmart (man) - United States

Today, I was babysitting a little girl, and we were playing with dolls. After we fed her babies, we put them down for a nap. After a few minutes, I asked if they'd had enough sleep. She looked at me like I was a freak and said, "Uh, they're not real babies, you know..." FML

#19867200
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (3507)

On 06/29/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by friend (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I realized just how much of a bitch I am when I grounded my son for not telling me what he got me for my birthday. FML

#19861407
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7422) - you deserved it (87694)

On 06/28/2012 at 4:29pm - kids - by MeanMother - United States (Missouri)

Today, I confronted my daughter about the various drug-associated items I found in her room. She then confronted me about going in her room and invading her privacy, to the point where I forgot the main issue and apologised to her. I just got outsmarted by a teenage pothead. FML

#19857408
273 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11522) - you deserved it (41585)

On 06/27/2012 at 7:28pm - kids - by apparantlyStupid - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was babysitting a four-year-old girl, when I came across a toy that sang the Macarena. For fun, I decided to teach her the dance. When she showed her parents, instead of putting her hands on her backside and turning, she decided to bend over and moon them. FML

#19856741
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24569) - you deserved it (2904)

On 06/27/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by fired (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML

#19844556
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23412) - you deserved it (2475)

On 06/25/2012 at 12:09pm - kids - by bcoper (man) - Switzerland (Luzern)

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

#19842330
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29026) - you deserved it (3604)

On 06/25/2012 at 12:08am - kids - by abbielane - United States (Michigan)



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