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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

#18396492
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28025) - you deserved it (3048)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it's my soon to be 12 year old daughter's birthday. On my break at work I texted her how much I loved her and happy birthday. She replied with, "K, when will you be home? Mom won't let me open presents until you're here." Good to know I'm loved. FML

#18394511
344 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29701) - you deserved it (4768)

On 11/30/2011 at 2:55pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML

#18354691
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23025) - you deserved it (2259)

On 11/26/2011 at 6:38am - kids - by Annon - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML

#18336712
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31629) - you deserved it (3290)

On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my brother lost his first tooth, so I told him the tooth fairy is going to give him money. He now thinks The Rock is going to show up in his room. FML

#18327184
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32648) - you deserved it (6623)

On 11/23/2011 at 2:14pm - kids - by G. Briones -

Today, I discovered my wife and I have referred to our two-year-old as 'cutie' or 'beautiful' so many times she won't respond to her own name. FML

#18304597
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13019) - you deserved it (39687)

On 11/21/2011 at 1:23am - kids - by BadFather (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 11 year old sister deleted me off Facebook because I'm not "cool enough" to be seen on her profile. FML

#18302175
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26736) - you deserved it (5044)

On 11/20/2011 at 9:21pm - kids - by sourcandy013 - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

#18302011
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44956) - you deserved it (3479)

On 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm - kids - by brokeandalone (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my daughter-in-law taught my 4-year-old grandson to burst into tears and yell, "Am I not good enough for you?" whenever I ask her if she's going to have any more children. FML

#18254436
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13525) - you deserved it (59220)

On 11/15/2011 at 10:16am - kids - by Margo (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my daughter asked me how to spell "Orange". "O-R-A-N-G-E" I replied. Without missing a beat, she says "No, I mean the colour, not the fruit." She is 16. FML

#18234448
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41678) - you deserved it (7211)

On 11/13/2011 at 1:53am - kids - by weswithaute - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a kid came trick or treating to my house. When I told him Halloween was nearly two weeks ago, his reaction was to savagely kick me in the shin and run off screaming obscenities. This is the same kid who broke down in tears when I gave him candy on the real Halloween. FML

#18222610
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28775) - you deserved it (2580)

On 11/11/2011 at 9:04pm - kids - by Username - United States (Maryland)

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

#18217676
380 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9491) - you deserved it (114981)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

#18202922
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30067) - you deserved it (22303)

On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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