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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

#18957870
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23395) - you deserved it (2709)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

#18949118
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35430) - you deserved it (3608)

On 01/30/2012 at 12:24am - kids - by myself - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

#18930916
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27356) - you deserved it (3895)

On 01/28/2012 at 1:27am - kids - by footscratching - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

#18912466
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35835) - you deserved it (3772)

On 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

#18892248
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26325) - you deserved it (6958)

On 01/23/2012 at 6:26pm - kids - by gloria77 (woman) - United States

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

#18891516
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25596) - you deserved it (3029)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:07pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was working at Staples and organizing some notebooks. All of a sudden, I jumped up because of a sharp pain in my back. A little girl had grabbed a stapler and stapled my back. FML

#18876048
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39618) - you deserved it (2383)

On 01/22/2012 at 12:09am - kids - by thosedamnkids (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

#18857503
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9627) - you deserved it (36537)

On 01/19/2012 at 10:33pm - kids - by WillaminaL (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

#18815137
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29721) - you deserved it (4825)

On 01/15/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by Ange (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I met my son for the first time since I had to put him up for adoption over two decades ago. I wanted to make amends and get to know him. Instead, all I got to know was how well he can throw a punch. FML

#18799303
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21076) - you deserved it (52510)

On 01/13/2012 at 8:38pm - kids - by me (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I spun a two year old upside down, in circles. She wasn't remotely dizzy. I threw up on myself. FML

#18785032
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18297) - you deserved it (9778)

On 01/12/2012 at 1:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I've had chairs thrown at me, kicks have hit me in the nuts and I've heard "I'm gonna fucking kill you, bitch" several times. I work at a kindergarten. And this is a good day compared to what I'm used to. FML

#18783134
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39089) - you deserved it (3421)

On 01/12/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

#18781319
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24607) - you deserved it (2174)

On 01/12/2012 at 12:00am - kids - by tiredoffamilydinners (woman) - United States (Texas)



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