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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39188) - you deserved it (3870)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I spent over 20 minutes trying to convince my daughter that the word she was trying to use was "Back-pack" and not "Back-back". I never convinced her. She is 16 years old. FML

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

#18139418
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30795) - you deserved it (5341)

On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

#18137522
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32478) - you deserved it (2885)

On 11/02/2011 at 10:43am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

#18123413
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37941) - you deserved it (5241)

On 10/31/2011 at 8:18pm - kids - by VladyBoi (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26764) - you deserved it (4928)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

#18095275
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26274) - you deserved it (3024)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was happily playing with my young niece and nephew. Their grandmother was watching and said, "You are so good with children! Why don't you have any?" My husband died 3 months ago. FML

#18076540
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51406) - you deserved it (2590)

On 10/25/2011 at 10:28pm - kids - by kiddoc - United States (New York)

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

#18072283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33874) - you deserved it (2825)

On 10/25/2011 at 2:04pm - kids - by mew - Canada

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

#18060058
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36363) - you deserved it (3397)

On 10/24/2011 at 12:22am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

#18049596
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32266) - you deserved it (7056)

On 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm - kids - by me - United States (Maine)

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

#18044688
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22875) - you deserved it (16863) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/22/2011 at 8:40am - kids - by titoutou222 - France

Today, my twin boys who are 5 decided to teach each other how to fly off the shed out back. They are still in their pajamas. Batman's arm is broken and Spiderman has a slight concussion. FML

#18022351
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33162) - you deserved it (6452)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:03am - kids - by optimistic2628 - United States



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