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Today, I got on an elevator at the mall, along with a twelve or thirteen-year-old girl talking on her cell. She spent the whole ride telling the person on the other end how hideous I looked and how I look like a pregnant sperm whale. I was too humiliated to even say anything. FML

#20001108
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32176) - you deserved it (4651)

On 08/03/2012 at 9:52pm - kids - by pimpslaprequired (man) - United States

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

#19999925
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32602) - you deserved it (2538)

On 08/03/2012 at 4:21am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my daughter discovered that her Venus Fly Trap will not eat pieces of ripped-up scrap paper. Also today, I discovered that my daughter can't tell the difference between scrap paper and my monthly paycheck. FML

#19998217
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30618) - you deserved it (2871)

On 08/02/2012 at 10:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was babysitting three kids, one of whom was particularly difficult to control. While trying to get him to behave, the two girls came up behind me and pulled my pants down. In front of a huge window open to the street below. FML

#19994550
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21939) - you deserved it (2316)

On 07/31/2012 at 1:43pm - kids - by 1D-107 - United States (Utah)

Today, my 17-year-old daughter's friend told her that superglue works well as lip gloss. She tried it. FML

#19993820
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29394) - you deserved it (4716)

On 07/31/2012 at 1:36am - kids - by mcase - United States (California)

Today, my son got to my great grandfather's old stopwatch, which had been valued at a very high sum, and broke it by twisting the hands in reverse. He says he was trying to time travel. FML

#19990926
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24076) - you deserved it (3474)

On 07/29/2012 at 2:49pm - kids - by oink oink fuck off - United Kingdom (Doncaster)

Today, I took my 2-year-old son to the ear doctor, since he'd stopped responding whenever I call him. The doctor told me that his ears are just fine. He's just ignoring me. FML

#19990524
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26724) - you deserved it (5542)

On 07/29/2012 at 8:20am - kids - by fml - Japan (Saitama)

Today, my 4-year-old son cut half of my hair when I was asleep because he thought I would look better that way. FML

#19990341
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25072) - you deserved it (3244)

On 07/29/2012 at 4:11am - kids - by ellieowenie - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I asked my best friend if he would do me the honour of becoming my son's godfather. He replied, "Um, that's just rude. You know I'm an atheist." Huh? FML

#19989164
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25381) - you deserved it (8116)

On 07/28/2012 at 2:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while in the store with my kids, they wanted to buy tampons because I am "getting cranky, and it should be that time of the month." FML

#19988318
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11783) - you deserved it (21396)

On 07/28/2012 at 12:17am - kids - by love_to_live - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my daughter proudly showed me her new tattoo sleeve, which is made up of an angry cupcake, hemp leaves, and a My Little Pony character. She's almost 30, still unemployed, and still lives in my home. I now have no hope of her ever becoming a productive member of society. FML

#19987541
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28434) - you deserved it (7954)

On 07/27/2012 at 3:04pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Ostfold)

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

#19983667
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29782) - you deserved it (2409)

On 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm - kids - by madmomma - United States (Oregon)

Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML

#19983117
323 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29690) - you deserved it (13349)

On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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