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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I came home from work and went into the bathroom. I saw a poo on the toilet lid, and thinking it was a trick toy that my son had got to trick me, I picked it up. It wasn't a toy. FML

#18983389
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21089) - you deserved it (23470)

On 02/03/2012 at 10:49am - kids - by AvengedSevenX - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I had to explain to my 18-year-old daughter why she can't pull a duck face pose for her driver's license. She still doesn't believe me. FML

#18982251
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30214) - you deserved it (3965)

On 02/03/2012 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I finally got my stubborn toddler to take an afternoon nap after an hour and a half of wrestling with her. Ten minutes later, a UPS package arrived at my door. The UPS man decided it would be a good idea to ring my doorbell repeatedly in rapid-fire sequence as he was walking away. FML

#18974357
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27041) - you deserved it (2637)

On 02/02/2012 at 2:07am - kids - by Insomniac (woman) - United States

Today, my son learned that when you slide a mug across the kitchen table, it doesn't stop where you expect it to like in the old cartoons. I then learned what it feels like to have a full mug of hot chocolate spilled onto my crotch. FML

#18972583
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24378) - you deserved it (3080)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:11pm - kids - by Bruce (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my son sprayed our white couch with Febreze. This would have been great, were the "Febreze" not actually black spray paint. FML

#18969036
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26170) - you deserved it (3596)

On 02/01/2012 at 2:35pm - kids - by Anonymous -

Today, my nine year old stepson overheard me telling my husband that I was almost out of my favorite shampoo, and since it was discontinued, I couldn't buy any more. He got in the shower and happily emptied the bottles down the drain. FML

#18960486
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28877) - you deserved it (5020)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:31pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

#18958302
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24362) - you deserved it (4488)

On 01/31/2012 at 1:22am - kids - by beautifulme (woman) - United States

Today, my little brother went through all the artistic anatomy reference books and colored in all the nipples and penises with a bright pink sharpie. These books were from the library. FML

#18957870
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23386) - you deserved it (2709)

On 01/31/2012 at 12:16am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I came home to the nanny passed out on the couch from too much alcohol, my 2-year-old alone and locked in the bathroom, and my house in a complete wreck. To top it off, it's the day my mother-in-law, who hates me, is coming to visit from New York. FML

#18949118
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35427) - you deserved it (3608)

On 01/30/2012 at 12:24am - kids - by myself - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML

#18930916
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27352) - you deserved it (3894)

On 01/28/2012 at 1:27am - kids - by footscratching - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be "funny" to put laxatives in the cakes for my son's 7th birthday party. Over 40 kids came to the party. FML

#18912466
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35825) - you deserved it (3772)

On 01/25/2012 at 11:18pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my kids to visit their grandma. At one point while playing, my youngest said "shit", so I admonished her. My mom snorted and told me to "stop being such a little bitch", because it will make my kids into "lame prisses like their mother". FML

#18892248
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26320) - you deserved it (6956)

On 01/23/2012 at 6:26pm - kids - by gloria77 (woman) - United States

Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML

#18891516
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25333) - you deserved it (3010)

On 01/23/2012 at 5:07pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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