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Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

#16197778
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27337) - you deserved it (5766)

On 05/15/2011 at 11:40pm - kids - by blewidstepr (woman) -

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

#16167560
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29070) - you deserved it (7393)

On 05/14/2011 at 2:50am - kids - by whytoday - United States

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

#16154478
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33128) - you deserved it (14647)

On 05/13/2011 at 3:20am - kids - by eenkoekje -

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

#16116610
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43230) - you deserved it (5436) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/10/2011 at 10:56am - kids - by Hahapasdroleleptit - France

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33590) - you deserved it (11182)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

#16111530
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30184) - you deserved it (7741)

On 05/09/2011 at 10:34pm - kids - by richkief76 -

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

#16091812
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29561) - you deserved it (3965)

On 05/08/2011 at 2:25pm - kids - by jill (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went on a long overdue vacation to France with my husband and young daughter. As revenge for an earlier prank, my sister has apparently taught my daughter to swear profusely in French. FML

#16068567
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26486) - you deserved it (8561)

On 05/06/2011 at 3:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Windsor and Maidenhead)

Today, my identical twin sister got in trouble for sneaking out of the house to see her boyfriend. My father decided to ground both of us, because it would be "too confusing" for him otherwise. FML

#16057937
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58930) - you deserved it (4662)

On 05/05/2011 at 5:04pm - kids - by Monika (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

#16028300
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34319) - you deserved it (7219)

On 05/03/2011 at 1:01am - kids - by armywife980 -

Today, I once again told my son he needed a job and a girlfriend because I simply could not keep him in my house anymore. He yelled, "No, I can do whatever I want!" Then went back to playing video games. He's 38. FML

#15960842
371 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28928) - you deserved it (41371)

On 04/28/2011 at 7:07am - kids - by oldmama728 -

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

#15947062
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12792) - you deserved it (38663)

On 04/27/2011 at 9:35am - kids - by BadgerSpirit (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I actually heard my 14 year old son muse to himself, "If I can drive drunk in Grand Theft Auto, how hard could it be in real life?" FML

#15935332
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39071) - you deserved it (12186)

On 04/26/2011 at 3:20pm - kids - by nomorexbox - United States (Georgia)



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