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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

#17388781
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24184) - you deserved it (3428)

On 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm - kids - by Tabby (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

#17372798
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26521) - you deserved it (2103)

On 08/04/2011 at 11:56pm - kids - by mommytobe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13886) - you deserved it (56945)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

#17364695
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7993) - you deserved it (44458)

On 08/04/2011 at 6:19am - kids - by Bobsaget00 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

#17360592
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24582) - you deserved it (3745)

On 08/03/2011 at 10:43pm - kids - by CrappyLuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

#17355075
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26095) - you deserved it (2725)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by doomeddaddy - United States (Ohio)

Today, my son drew in Sharpie all over the wall, so I spanked him as punishment. When my boss came over for dinner, my son shouted, "Daddy made me take my punishment in the butt." FML

#17338982
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43516) - you deserved it (14528)

On 08/02/2011 at 12:58am - kids - by ohcrap - United States (Colorado)

Today, my kids decided putting laxatives in my coffee would loosen me up and calm my nerves. I have a 3 hour long meeting soon. FML

#17333290
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29738) - you deserved it (3046)

On 08/01/2011 at 4:05pm - kids - by burn - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter somehow got a hold of the lighter we keep on top of the fridge. I found this out when she snuck up behind me and thought it would be fun to set my hair on fire. FML

#17326829
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28019) - you deserved it (5189)

On 08/01/2011 at 12:28am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, my little brother came into my room and hit me over the head with his baseball bat. He then dropped the bat onto my floor and ran crying into my mother's room proclaiming I stole his bat and beat him with it for fun. FML

#17304859
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34754) - you deserved it (2721)

On 07/30/2011 at 1:15am - kids - by NaomiMadison - United States

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

#17302566
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28323) - you deserved it (17068)

On 07/29/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my younger brother and I got into a fight over who the favorite child is. My mom overheard, came in the living room and said, "It's your little brother, now shut up." She was serious. FML

#17301122
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34975) - you deserved it (6558)

On 07/29/2011 at 7:36pm - kids - by Username - United States

Today, my 4 year-old daughter's favorite expression became "shit balls." FML

#17283152
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29953) - you deserved it (15533)

On 07/28/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by anonymous - United States (New Jersey)



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