Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML

#16307773
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28633) - you deserved it (7698)

On 05/23/2011 at 12:57am - kids - by sleepy (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I told my kids that our family dog was getting too fat and we should give him a little less food. My youngest daughter whispered to her sister, "Mommy's fat and we still give her food." FML

#16303976
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32325) - you deserved it (18159)

On 05/22/2011 at 9:33pm - kids - by Fatty1970 - United States (Florida)

Today, after eighteen years of living with my adoptive parents, I met my biological mum for the first time. She's a forty year old, 300lb American woman who wears 'Twilight' t-shirts and will be spending the rest of her visit to the UK trying to find Robert Pattinson. She says I remind her of herself. FML

#16301651
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49434) - you deserved it (3846)

On 05/22/2011 at 7:09pm - kids - by Adoptee (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, I took my 6 year old son to meet our new neighbours. When we got home he packed his bags and headed for the door. Once he reached the door, I asked where he was going. He replied, "To the neighbours'. They have a bigger television." FML

#16256020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25213) - you deserved it (4422)

On 05/19/2011 at 7:05pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, I was babysitting a three-year-old. She asked me what was wrong with my belly. I had to explain to her that I'm just fat. Twice. FML

#16235054
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30222) - you deserved it (11909)

On 05/18/2011 at 6:57am - kids - by JCC (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML

#16217085
441 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37072) - you deserved it (10094)

On 05/17/2011 at 12:54am - kids - by yobruh -

Today, I realized my 3 year old son, who is being potty trained, has better aim standing up to pee than his 30 year old father. FML

#16197778
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27328) - you deserved it (5764)

On 05/15/2011 at 11:40pm - kids - by blewidstepr (woman) -

Today, on the first day of my nanny job, I wanted to impress my employers with how trustworthy and responsible I am. During the sixty seconds that I went to pee, the two-year-old found a black Sharpie and scribbled all over the wall. Nail polish remover made it ten times worse. FML

#16167560
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29045) - you deserved it (7391)

On 05/14/2011 at 2:50am - kids - by whytoday - United States

Today, I was called by my son's school to pick him up. Apparently, he snorted baking soda, crushed aspirin, and flour because he thought it was coke. Where did I go wrong raising this twerp? FML

#16154478
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32971) - you deserved it (14617)

On 05/13/2011 at 3:20am - kids - by eenkoekje -

Today, I was sitting on the bus following a harrowing breakup. A boy of no more than 6 looked at me full of compassion and said, "Are you crying because you're ugly?" FML

#16116610
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43212) - you deserved it (5434) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/10/2011 at 10:56am - kids - by Hahapasdroleleptit - France

Today, my 12 year old son came home from school and informed me that he bought an air guitar for $20. He honestly thinks this is a good price. FML

#16113855
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33558) - you deserved it (11182)

On 05/10/2011 at 1:18am - kids - by Whatdididowrong? -

Today, I finally found where the awful lingering stench in my house was coming from. My son thought it would be funny to piss in the baby's humidifier. He's 16. FML

#16111530
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30164) - you deserved it (7739)

On 05/09/2011 at 10:34pm - kids - by richkief76 -

Today, after weeks of money slowly disappearing from the stash in my bedroom, I confronted my son about it. I'm not sure which is worse: that my son is a thief or that he actually blamed his father for it. We've been divorced and haven't spoken for eight years. FML

#16091812
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29541) - you deserved it (3962)

On 05/08/2011 at 2:25pm - kids - by jill (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



FML's blog

  • Jim Trim's Illustrated FML
  • Action stations! I'm back from my holiday, I've got some sort of weirdly uneven tan and I already want to go back to the beach to bum about and finish off my colouring book. But I can't. I'm still…

Friday 29 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: