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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

#17448755
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30857) - you deserved it (2678)

On 08/12/2011 at 9:14am - kids - by LuckySperm (man) - United Kingdom (Bedfordshire)

Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML

#17438082
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26650) - you deserved it (4954)

On 08/11/2011 at 4:45am - kids - by IRum (man) - Russian Federation

Today, I found out that my son had sold his house key to one of his friends for half a packet of gum. Now there is someone out there who I have never met with full access to my house. My son is 16. FML

#17404140
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32452) - you deserved it (4762)

On 08/08/2011 at 2:45am - kids - by Jilly (woman) - Australia

Today, I took my kids to the circus. We were having fun, right up until the point they saw an old man dressed as a clown, at which point they screamed, grabbed onto my shorts, and managed to accidentally pull them down. FML

#17396996
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23883) - you deserved it (2964)

On 08/07/2011 at 1:14pm - kids - by SheaLili - United States (California)

Today, my niece told me to go and find my own friends. She's 2, and I'm 18. FML

#17395246
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26775) - you deserved it (5352)

On 08/07/2011 at 5:52am - kids - by myheart75 - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

#17391065
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35043) - you deserved it (10002)

On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML

#17390197
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34615) - you deserved it (3446)

On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I had to tell my teenage son that no, his knowledge of the English language was not passed down to him genetically. FML

#17388781
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23209) - you deserved it (3336)

On 08/06/2011 at 4:39pm - kids - by Tabby (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML

#17372798
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26475) - you deserved it (2098)

On 08/04/2011 at 11:56pm - kids - by mommytobe (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411
428 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13867) - you deserved it (56840)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I realized burying my dog underneath our swing-set was a bad idea. My two sons are now scarred for life. FML

#17364695
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7980) - you deserved it (44380)

On 08/04/2011 at 6:19am - kids - by Bobsaget00 (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I took my 8 month-old to the Urgent Care due to extreme constipation. I spent $25 for my son to poop on me the second the doctor had me remove his diaper. FML

#17360592
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24523) - you deserved it (3738)

On 08/03/2011 at 10:43pm - kids - by CrappyLuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

#17355075
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26026) - you deserved it (2717)

On 08/03/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by doomeddaddy - United States (Ohio)



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