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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my 15 year old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML

#16872149
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29554) - you deserved it (4590)

On 06/26/2011 at 10:15pm - kids - by WalkingTalkingCarrot (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was driving when a guy in a truck swerved in front of me. I didn't realize I'd sworn until I'd come to a red light and my one year old daughter yelled her own version of what I said. She now yells "Chicken in the hole!" whenever the car comes to a stop. FML

#16867812
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9779) - you deserved it (24312)

On 06/26/2011 at 4:47pm - kids - by Mommy - United States (Oregon)

Today, my daughter spent three hours crying and having a temper tantrum over being forced to have a bath after four days without one. My daughter is 16. FML

#16862726
413 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44352) - you deserved it (9938)

On 06/26/2011 at 6:32am - kids - by Unsanitary (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17421) - you deserved it (61189)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I found out that when my room-mate agreed to babysit someone's two year old kid for money, what he really planned on doing was dumping it with me. The kid won't stop crying and screaming. FML

#16837631
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26951) - you deserved it (3504)

On 06/24/2011 at 6:11pm - kids - by Username - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my daughter was charged with multiple counts of vandalism and trespassing. It seems she's been sneaking out in the middle of the night, stealing and breaking our neighbors' lawn ornaments. Specifically garden gnomes. FML

#16837110
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25791) - you deserved it (6506)

On 06/24/2011 at 5:22pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was babysitting my cousin when I realized my aunt didn't tell me where the diapers were. I searched the entire house, but I had no luck. Then my cousin ripped off the diaper she was wearing and peed on the kitchen floor. FML

#16820991
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26040) - you deserved it (3731)

On 06/23/2011 at 6:30pm - kids - by Monroe - United States

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that no, the dishwasher didn't make the glasses shrink, I'd bought smaller glasses. FML

#16812577
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30213) - you deserved it (5661)

On 06/23/2011 at 4:53am - kids - by wow - Sent from mobile version

Today, my five year old niece decided to wake me up by shoving blasting earphones in my ears. Five hours later I can still hear Justin Bieber shrieking "Baby". FML

#16800264
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33974) - you deserved it (4873)

On 06/22/2011 at 2:37pm - kids - by my ears are dying - United States

Today, I spent 2 hours making the perfect card for my dad for Father's Day. When I handed it to him, he smiled and said "Thank you" and then killed a fly with it. I found it in the trash a couple of hours later. FML

#16752985
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33630) - you deserved it (3766)

On 06/19/2011 at 10:17pm - kids - by Heartbroken (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I told my five year old daughter that no, she could not have ice cream for breakfast. She retaliated by pooping in the living room and smearing it on the walls. My in-laws, whom I've been trying to impress for ages, are visiting today. FML

#16746008
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33260) - you deserved it (6761)

On 06/19/2011 at 2:03pm - kids - by screwedwoman27 - United States

Today, I explained to my 5 year old daughter that her older sister from my husband's first marriage lives with her mommy, and my daughter lives with us. She exclaimed, "It's not fair! I want two mommies like she has! Can we swap, I like her mommy better than you anyway!" FML

#16725685
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36090) - you deserved it (4489)

On 06/18/2011 at 5:40am - kids - by stepmom (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my son invited his girlfriend over to our house just to break up with her. Then he asked me to drive her home. So I was then stuck in a car with a bawling teenage girl who lived over twenty minutes away. FML

#16692971
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38261) - you deserved it (5445)

On 06/16/2011 at 9:20am - kids - by Username - United States



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