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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

#19099040
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22546) - you deserved it (5206)

On 02/17/2012 at 7:43am - kids - by thatoneperson - United States (Virginia)

Today, the couple with three noisy toddlers in the apartment above mine finally moved out. A couple with a non-stop crying newborn moved in. FML

#19097249
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23940) - you deserved it (2650)

On 02/16/2012 at 6:30pm - kids - by Username - United States (Texas)

Today, after finally getting my newborn baby to sleep, I made a sign to put on the door asking people not to knock or ring the bell, since our 3 dogs will bark loudly and wake the baby. When I went to print the sign, my dogs barked like crazy at the sound of the printer. FML

#19094403
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26273) - you deserved it (9284)

On 02/16/2012 at 4:42pm - kids - by TiredMom (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was holding my 3 year old brother, and apparently he thinks it's hilarious to pull my tank top down and scream ''BOOBS!'' in public. FML

#19093688
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31856) - you deserved it (4584)

On 02/16/2012 at 2:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I dropped my bag to run after my two year old who had bolted in the parking lot. Once he was in his seat, I got in and drove away. I felt two large thumps as I drove over my own iPad, cellphone and wallet. FML

#19093347
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29042) - you deserved it (13867)

On 02/16/2012 at 1:36pm - kids - by ray - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

#19079229
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24575) - you deserved it (1815)

On 02/14/2012 at 8:28pm - kids - by MC Turtledick - United States (Washington)

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

#19076647
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25986) - you deserved it (2641)

On 02/14/2012 at 5:29pm - kids - by ShylaMarie - Canada

Today, my misanthropic malcontent of a son smashed my air freshener and turned my faulty lava lamp on in a twisted act of rebellion. The bottom of the lamp broke and got wax everywhere. My room now smells like cinnamon, with a hint of freshly embalmed corpse. FML

#19066178
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20797) - you deserved it (4165)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:31pm - kids - by Username - India

Today, I was talking to a friend about how many germs live on the average cell phone. My five year old son apparently overheard me talking, and decided to give my cell phone a bath. FML

#19066123
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25730) - you deserved it (5932)

On 02/13/2012 at 4:23pm - kids - by Katherine - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, even though she can barely deal with raising kids, my 19-year-old sister announced her fourth pregnancy, by a fourth man, of yet another race. Why? Because she wants to "be like Angelina Jolie." I fear that social services may laugh at me if I tell them. FML

#19059341
245 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38352) - you deserved it (2819)

On 02/12/2012 at 7:18pm - kids - by amythest - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my friend's kid chased me with a rusty, sharp tent peg and threatened to kill me. When I finally got him to calm down he ran off to his room. Later, I found the tent peg under his pillow with a note that said my name. My friend thinks it's hilarious. I am staying here for a week. FML

#19046933
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27255) - you deserved it (2055)

On 02/11/2012 at 8:41am - kids - by FuckLife (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I was working at my day-camp, and one of my little boys told me he had to show me something important. He proudly showed me that he'd crapped his pants. I had to wipe his ass clean. FML

#19039920
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24037) - you deserved it (2997)

On 02/10/2012 at 4:51am - kids - by ilana (woman) - United States

Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML

#18985606
228 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24634) - you deserved it (8056)

On 02/03/2012 at 5:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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