Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was choosing my soft drink at a restaurant. The kid in front of me was too short to reach the lids so I handed him one. His mom rushed over, pried it out of his hands, threw it away, and yelled, "She's filthy, don't use that." FML

Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML

#19664729
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25321) - you deserved it (4105)

On 05/22/2012 at 9:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I watched a movie with my little sister. I couldn't understand a word that was said during one scene, but I figured it was in some kind of made-up language. When I commented on it later, she called me a moron and said it was Spanish. FML

#19657382
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5960) - you deserved it (32404)

On 05/21/2012 at 2:42pm - kids - by sickdisney (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

#19641324
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23186) - you deserved it (6081)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:13am - kids - by 23yearoldtoddler - United States

Today, I went to the hair salon. When I got home, my three-year-old daughter told me I looked like Dora the Explorer. FML

#19635267
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20380) - you deserved it (5199)

On 05/17/2012 at 12:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML

#19631017
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25273) - you deserved it (3502)

On 05/16/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by inapickle (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML

#19617279
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21111) - you deserved it (2958)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm - kids - by just me (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I was babysitting, playing hide and go seek. I tried to jump behind the armchair, but it tipped, and I hit my head into the wind chimes, ripped the curtain rod from the wall, and smashed my knee into the wall. I lay on the ground in agonizing pain as the little girl shouted, "I know where you are!" FML

#19608555
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17927) - you deserved it (5368)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:16pm - kids - by jessye1182 - United States (New York)

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

#19607657
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24451) - you deserved it (3671)

On 05/11/2012 at 3:30pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Vastra Gotaland)

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

#19603153
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28169) - you deserved it (8084)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out where all my missing panties have gone, when my 12-year-old daughter was caught selling them to the boys at school. FML

#19598679
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27860) - you deserved it (2942)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:09pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, against my wishes, my son snuck out of my house to go partying. When he came home, I called him in so I could properly discipline him. While I was talking, he staggered to our fish tank, pulled open the lid, and vomited straight into it. FML

#19592995
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26656) - you deserved it (4754)

On 05/08/2012 at 4:48pm - kids - by A-64 (man) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)

Today, I walked in on my daughter attempting to iron her pants with a hair straightener. She's 17. FML

#19590770
304 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22942) - you deserved it (5803)

On 05/08/2012 at 2:08am - kids - by SomePeoplesKids - Canada (Alberta)



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: