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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, a five year old that I am babysitting picked up a knife and said he would chop my nuts off if I didn't give him his ice cream before dinner. Only 5 more hours to go. FML

#17672212
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29024) - you deserved it (2998)

On 09/05/2011 at 4:23pm - kids - by thatoneguy - United States (Texas)

Today, I approached my daughter and told her she needs to clean her room. Her response was, "Thank you Captain Obvious." She's 4. FML

#17670632
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27031) - you deserved it (9277)

On 09/05/2011 at 1:04pm - kids - by kidswithnomanners (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my six year old nephew told me to peel off my skin because, "They say you look prettier on the inside." FML

#17652059
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28517) - you deserved it (3045)

On 09/03/2011 at 10:36am - kids - by abby181 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML

#17646156
473 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46033) - you deserved it (4228)

On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter turned Emo. FML

#17640475
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47927) - you deserved it (18410)

On 09/01/2011 at 11:44pm - kids - by nyaahaha - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

#17635834
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32878) - you deserved it (3648)

On 09/01/2011 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I noticed a young child wandering out onto a busy street. I managed to grab his arm just as he stepped off the sidewalk and yank him away from almost certain death. My reward was his mother, who was on her cell phone the whole time, screaming at me for touching her child. FML

#17629696
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32267) - you deserved it (2101)

On 08/31/2011 at 1:06pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

#17629318
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41345) - you deserved it (11597)

On 08/31/2011 at 12:04pm - kids - by MJjunior (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I walked into my shed to find my daughter's boyfriend asleep. He was also completely duct-taped to the ceiling, with his face painted like a clown. FML

#17628781
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31433) - you deserved it (3000)

On 08/31/2011 at 10:00am - kids - by piece of shed - United States (New York)

Today, I bought my daughter a bunk bed. After spending several hours building it, she climbed up, then fainted. Turns out she's afraid of heights. FML

#17620936
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27326) - you deserved it (3341)

On 08/30/2011 at 12:45pm - kids - by bunkbed - Canada (Alberta)

Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML

#17615072
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34751) - you deserved it (3373)

On 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm - kids - by slavelaborsux (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my son was eating a plum. I was busy in the kitchen, and he came running in saying "Mummy my plum is wet", I told him it was fine and bit a bit off to prove it. He looked at me and said "No Mummy! Can you wash it please, I dropped it in my potty". I feel ill. FML

#17606704
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30617) - you deserved it (8692)

On 08/28/2011 at 5:25pm - kids - by cjay2200 - United Kingdom (Lincolnshire)

Today, thanks to my wife's confession, I found out that the 14 year old child I've raised since I was 16 isn't related to me at all. But at least this narrows the real father down to one of three other guys. FML

#17589852
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40136) - you deserved it (3775)

On 08/26/2011 at 10:10pm - kids - by candie - United States (Texas)



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