Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

#17063705
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29443) - you deserved it (11299)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my daughter announced on Facebook that she is directly descended from extra-terrestrials. That would be okay - except she's 25 and believes it's true. FML

#17060608
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25923) - you deserved it (3975)

On 07/11/2011 at 12:23am - kids - by MotherofET (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after spending 6 months and $15,000 on lawyer fees at my 13 year old son's request, his abusive, alcoholic father no longer has any legal right to see him. How did my son repay me? He ran away to live with his father the very first time I told him he couldn't have friends sleep over. FML

#17057009
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41421) - you deserved it (7003)

On 07/10/2011 at 8:01pm - kids - by tomcat69 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my 15 year old girlfriend called to tell me she is pregnant. Her dad is ex-military, and makes a point of cleaning his guns every time I go to her house. FML

#17010843
708 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18244) - you deserved it (93424)

On 07/07/2011 at 3:43am - kids - by shit - United States

Today, my family attended the funeral of an old family friend's baby, who died in childbirth. Afterwards, my husband went around snickering and quietly telling dead baby jokes to the other attendees. FML

#17004693
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51040) - you deserved it (5593)

On 07/06/2011 at 7:38pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

#16976984
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39902) - you deserved it (3124)

On 07/04/2011 at 7:42pm - kids - by K3you - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to sing a sweet lullaby to my two year old son. In the process, he smacked me in the face and told me to please stop. My sister sings to him all the time and he loves it. FML

#16956898
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28828) - you deserved it (5785)

On 07/03/2011 at 1:36am - kids - by dee - United States

Today, I was baby sitting ten year old twins. When they first saw me, they ran away screaming and hid in the closet. This isn't the first house where this has happened. FML

#16944330
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28302) - you deserved it (4827)

On 07/02/2011 at 1:48am - kids - by annoyedwithkids - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, "I don't know". She's 14 years old and on the honour roll, and yet she can't tell the time on an analogue clock. FML

#16939621
316 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26493) - you deserved it (11280)

On 07/01/2011 at 7:12pm - kids - by sadmother (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried to comfort my daughter who'd been crying non-stop for hours. She thinks Chuck Norris is coming to kill her, and I can't convince her otherwise. FML

#16936128
307 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34979) - you deserved it (4841)

On 07/01/2011 at 1:42pm - kids - by parenting sucks - United States (New York)

Today, my daughter told me that my head is shaped like a kidney bean and that I'm lucky she even talks to me in public. She's 6. FML

#16881052
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38163) - you deserved it (5115)

On 06/27/2011 at 12:46pm - kids - by MakeMyDay_27 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I woke up to my two year old crawling in bed with me and saying, "I poop". Normally this would be ok, but this morning she decided she didn't need a diaper. FML

#16880691
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27835) - you deserved it (3489)

On 06/27/2011 at 12:08pm - kids - by Eringobrag88 - United States

Today, my son is going through a rebellious phase. He's taken to wearing leather and chains, listening to death metal music all day in his room alone, and screaming at me in public places. He was fired from his part-time job for swearing at customers. My son is 29 years old. FML

#16876528
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41623) - you deserved it (12240)

On 06/27/2011 at 2:26am - kids - by SheenaL (woman) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: