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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my neighborhood had its annual summer barbecue, and I ended up showing a little boy who lives down the street how to hit a baseball. When I gave him back his bat so he could try for himself, he swung it into my shin and yelled, "Tag! You're it!" FML

#19844556
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20747) - you deserved it (2254)

On 06/25/2012 at 12:09pm - kids - by bcoper (man) - Switzerland (Luzern)

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

#19842330
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28106) - you deserved it (3527)

On 06/25/2012 at 12:08am - kids - by abbielane - United States (Michigan)

Today, my parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" are a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything. I was baked during the entire conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right. FML

#19840334
497 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9354) - you deserved it (46419)

On 06/24/2012 at 5:45pm - kids - by :( (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I noticed that my son only really looks like me when he's straining to take a dump. FML

#19835605
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20048) - you deserved it (3646)

On 06/23/2012 at 8:10pm - kids - by Gremlin (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

#19834140
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24099) - you deserved it (2529)

On 06/23/2012 at 1:43pm - kids - by nosonofmine (man) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

#19830019
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31837) - you deserved it (2002)

On 06/22/2012 at 5:13pm - kids - by pon-3 (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I found out from her teacher that my daughter in kindergarten gets the little boys in her class to play grown-ups with her. It's basically dry humping and groaning. FML

#19822134
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31390) - you deserved it (8767)

On 06/21/2012 at 1:40am - kids - by Bad Mommy - United States (California)

Today, after careful consideration, I told my wife I really want to have kids. She laughed, until she finally realized I was serious, at which point she flicked me in the balls and said, "Problem solved." FML

#19818500
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25741) - you deserved it (3323)

On 06/20/2012 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML

#19812468
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20140) - you deserved it (4434)

On 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm - kids - by Joseph N - United States

Today, my son paid the price for emulating his idols, aka the sub-human scum on Jersey Shore. He called me from jail and actually had the balls to try to guilt me into bailing him out, after he'd been arrested for punching his girlfriend at a liquor store. FML

#19794074
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30696) - you deserved it (4093)

On 06/15/2012 at 8:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML

#19791702
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12930) - you deserved it (26732)

On 06/15/2012 at 10:21am - kids - by habbsrule - Canada

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

#19769607
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21897) - you deserved it (2766)

On 06/11/2012 at 7:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was napping when my little brother cut off huge chunks of my hair. He thought it would turn me into the older brother he always wanted. He's 8. FML

#19756804
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24773) - you deserved it (1873)

On 06/08/2012 at 7:44pm - kids - by TimeForAHairCut - United States (Oregon)



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