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Man or woman?

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

#18217676
375 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8605) - you deserved it (108689)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

#18202922
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29868) - you deserved it (22217)

On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38983) - you deserved it (3859)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I spent over 20 minutes trying to convince my daughter that the word she was trying to use was "Back-pack" and not "Back-back". I never convinced her. She is 16 years old. FML

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

#18139418
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29302) - you deserved it (5158)

On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my dad telling his work buddy that he's disappointed in his kid. I assumed he meant my brother, for flunking out of school. He meant me, for quitting sports to focus on my studies. FML

#18137522
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32290) - you deserved it (2876)

On 11/02/2011 at 10:43am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

#18123413
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36033) - you deserved it (5021)

On 10/31/2011 at 8:18pm - kids - by VladyBoi (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26553) - you deserved it (4912)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally found out where my great grandmother's antique handheld mirror disappeared to. According to the headmaster, my eleven year old son has been using it to look up his classmates' dresses at school. FML

#18095275
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24426) - you deserved it (2850)

On 10/28/2011 at 8:25am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was happily playing with my young niece and nephew. Their grandmother was watching and said, "You are so good with children! Why don't you have any?" My husband died 3 months ago. FML

#18076540
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51203) - you deserved it (2525)

On 10/25/2011 at 10:28pm - kids - by kiddoc - United States (New York)

Today, one of the children at my daycare came up to me and bit me on the face. He laughed so hard at my scream, that he threw up in my lap. FML

#18072283
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33735) - you deserved it (2812)

On 10/25/2011 at 2:04pm - kids - by mew - Canada

Today, after my son graduated from nursing school which I, as a single parent, paid for with blood, sweat, and tears, during his grad party he was asked what his next step was. His response was, "Eh, I kinda realized I hate nursing." FML

#18060058
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35280) - you deserved it (3314)

On 10/24/2011 at 12:22am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

#18049596
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30116) - you deserved it (6800)

On 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm - kids - by me - United States (Maine)



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