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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, while looking through my son's browser history, I found a Google search for "stop looking in my history u nosey cunt". I swore last week that I don't invade his privacy, so I can't even punish him for the bad language without looking like a lying bastard. FML

#21478533
275 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12082) - you deserved it (41919)

On 10/11/2015 at 7:45am - kids - by Hank-T4 (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

#21478471
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28310) - you deserved it (3553)

On 10/11/2015 at 12:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 19 year old brother called me a moron and told me to go read a book, after I corrected him when he said girls don't have colons. FML

#21478457
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23038) - you deserved it (2055)

On 10/10/2015 at 11:54pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I realized that my two year old likes to help with the groceries. And by help I mean hide a bag of chicken. It's been two weeks since I went grocery shopping and I still can't find it, but it smells like something died in my house. FML

#21478454
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24046) - you deserved it (2504)

On 10/10/2015 at 11:37pm - kids - by KillingMeSlowly (woman) -

Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML

#21478153
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23537) - you deserved it (2512)

On 10/10/2015 at 3:21am - kids - by JGarz (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to choke back tears as my cockslap of a brother brutally mocked me for being a 25-year-old loser who's never been kissed by a girl, while at 14 he's already lost his virginity. FML

#21477811
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29084) - you deserved it (4371)

On 10/09/2015 at 5:06am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, during dinner with my wife's family, my daughter suddenly yelled, "DADDY TICKLES MOMMY'S BUM BUM!" I don't think I've ever received dirtier glares in my life. FML

#21477793
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23829) - you deserved it (2585)

On 10/09/2015 at 3:06am - kids - by shh (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the 3 girls who have continuously bullied me for the past 3 years gave a class presentation on why bullying is so terrible. Judging from our teacher's comments, they're going to get top marks. FML

#21477334
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27584) - you deserved it (1604)

On 10/07/2015 at 9:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I took my niece to the zoo. She was crying so I pointed out the chimpanzee to distract her. At the same time, he sat down and began to jack off. My niece won't stop making the same motion. FML

#21476872
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23239) - you deserved it (2094)

On 10/06/2015 at 4:42pm - kids - by elcee1987 - United States (California)

Today, while trying to calm down my four-year-old son who had a tantrum in a store, a man walked up to me and said, "You couldn't have worn the condom?" FML

#21476150
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22998) - you deserved it (5016)

On 10/04/2015 at 7:12pm - kids - by jshsnan - United States (California)

Today, at the swimming pool, I thought it'd be funny to sneak up on my 5-year-old daughter underwater and surprise her. I grabbed her by the sides, and she shrieked. A moment later, a brown cloud erupted from her swimsuit. Cue screaming and a mass panic from the other kids. FML

#21475579
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22547) - you deserved it (11660)

On 10/03/2015 at 3:00am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mom was watching me during my Taekwondo lessons. She was yelling at me to focus on my own work and to quit hanging out with the little kids. I'm the instructor. FML

#21474290
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25039) - you deserved it (1655)

On 09/29/2015 at 6:50pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was babysitting a couple of kids. I'd spent time with them before, so I brought my video game console to play with them. I forgot to take it home with me. They soon sold it to another kid for $10. FML

#21474105
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24123) - you deserved it (6110)

On 09/29/2015 at 9:21am - kids - by Thatguynoonelikes - United States (Pennsylvania)



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