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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I spent my last $50 to get a ticket to take my daughter out for a nice birthday dinner tonight. It wasn't until after I purchased it that I realized the restaurant isn't even open on Mondays. FML

#21388611
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26506) - you deserved it (4763)

On 04/06/2015 at 12:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents, my aunt and her husband went out to dinner. There, my aunt told us that she was pregnant, and out of instinct, I asked her who the father is. FML

#21387788
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24914) - you deserved it (14711)

On 04/04/2015 at 11:06pm - kids - by TKPhai - United States (California)

Today, I asked my 5-year-old son how school went today. He sighed and said "Fuck off, dad." I thought kids only became such colossal douchebags in their teens. FML

#21387117
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29004) - you deserved it (5479)

On 04/03/2015 at 5:15pm - kids - by no, YOU raised him (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

#21384638
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (3174)

On 03/31/2015 at 8:56am - kids - by mokki - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I took my class to swimming lessons at the local public pool. One student came out and proudly told me that she'd pooed in the shower, but it was OK because she'd then picked it up and flushed it down the toilet. FML

#21384585
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26819) - you deserved it (2098)

On 03/31/2015 at 3:40am - kids - by Teach (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

#21383517
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26057) - you deserved it (6716)

On 03/29/2015 at 11:17am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was sitting in my bedroom relaxing when I heard my little sister and my brother. Thinking it was cute they were talking again, I was listening. They were not just "talking", they were making plans on how to kill me. FML

#21383476
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31067) - you deserved it (2713)

On 03/29/2015 at 8:54am - kids - by M.SHUKRI - United States (Illinois)

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

#21382751
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31264) - you deserved it (1966)

On 03/28/2015 at 12:39am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

#21382327
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28564) - you deserved it (3035)

On 03/27/2015 at 9:29am - kids - by njh - Ireland

Today, I was told at my babysitting job that I can't bring my toddler with me. My employer is my best friend. Now I have to find a babysitter for my kid if I want to babysit hers. FML

#21382250
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28761) - you deserved it (2612)

On 03/27/2015 at 4:17am - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

#21381725
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29480) - you deserved it (4149)

On 03/26/2015 at 4:35am - kids - by sexybelly - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I found out that my friend's family has been using red paper to help his little brother with his potty training. "Aim for the red!" they would say to him. I guess today was a bad day to wear red pants. FML

#21381127
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27747) - you deserved it (2395)

On 03/25/2015 at 2:26am - kids - by ILoveLamps (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26459) - you deserved it (2531)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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