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Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

#21496534
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25526) - you deserved it (2650)

On 11/25/2015 at 1:00am - kids - by coolest_mom (woman) -

Today, a close friend came over with her three-year-old son. The child used a crayon on the walls, flushed my money down the toilet, and threw up. My friend was seriously offended when I asked her to help me clean everything up. FML

#21496255
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24493) - you deserved it (1592)

On 11/24/2015 at 12:45pm - kids - by wellfuckyoutoo - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my six-year-old son told me how it was funny that there's "a food chicken and an animal chicken". That's going to be a fun one to explain to him. FML

#21496064
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22139) - you deserved it (2292)

On 11/23/2015 at 10:23pm - kids - by sydcaller618 - United States (Indiana)

Today, I excitedly told my husband that I'm pregnant with our first child. With the most shit-eating grin, he said, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad." FML

#21493785
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27750) - you deserved it (8729)

On 11/17/2015 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my parents found out that my younger brother has been smoking pot. As his punishment, he can't be home alone anymore. And apparently, I'm now his full-time babysitter since I "don't have a life anyway." FML

Today, I popped two tires hitting a curb. I called my dad hysterical, and he told me to call my mom and hung up. My mom's been dead for seven years. FML

#21492884
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25735) - you deserved it (1822)

On 11/15/2015 at 5:35pm - kids - by deadbeatdad - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while my husband was at work, he missed our son saying his first word ("Dada"), taking his first steps and smashing the widescreen TV with a well-aimed teddy bear. Care to guess which of these three things made my husband cry. FML

#21492751
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21105) - you deserved it (2543)

On 11/15/2015 at 10:21am - kids - by michelle (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, at a school function for my eldest son, my youngest child silently passed gas. A group of women I had hoped to befriend were sitting next to me, and then left with looks of disgust on their faces. I guess I don't need friends. FML

#21490816
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20834) - you deserved it (1724)

On 11/10/2015 at 12:35pm - kids - by Denise1988 - United States (Nevada)

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

#21490397
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23098) - you deserved it (3133)

On 11/09/2015 at 2:33pm - kids - by Kidsthesedays (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I waved at a baby while standing in line in a store. It started screaming. Its mom looked over in mild concern and gave me a disturbed glare before moving to the next checkout counter over. FML

#21489836
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18926) - you deserved it (1805)

On 11/08/2015 at 4:34am - kids - by UglyGirl - United States (California)

Today, my mother had to ask me when my birthday was, because she gets it confused with the day she bought our old car. FML

#21489528
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23354) - you deserved it (1590)

On 11/07/2015 at 9:58am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 9 year old shitblossom of a sister decided to wake me up by hocking a loogie into my mouth. FML

#21489438
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23091) - you deserved it (1710)

On 11/07/2015 at 12:02am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

#21489395
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23053) - you deserved it (2966)

On 11/06/2015 at 9:55pm - kids - by Nuts (man) - Canada (Ontario)



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