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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

#21348979
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30559) - you deserved it (3995)

On 02/03/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by wtfdaughter - Brazil (Pernambuco)

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

#21347237
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24831) - you deserved it (10006)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:13am - kids - by cooploops - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24218) - you deserved it (6171)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

#21346789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29350) - you deserved it (3335)

On 01/30/2015 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38268) - you deserved it (6727)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

#21342394
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26757) - you deserved it (4311)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm - kids - by ameliaruth09 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27057) - you deserved it (2643)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

#21341483
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36467) - you deserved it (2364)

On 01/21/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

#21341221
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30414) - you deserved it (4260)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm - kids - by frozenpoo - United States

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

#21340142
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31198) - you deserved it (6428)

On 01/19/2015 at 9:34am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

#21338906
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27126) - you deserved it (5906)

On 01/17/2015 at 1:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, a kid looked at me, screamed, then ran away yelling "Chewbacca!" FML

#21338512
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27600) - you deserved it (3144)

On 01/16/2015 at 8:59pm - kids - by DrLight - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had lunch with my parents. I'm an Asian guy who married a Puerto Rican woman and we just had a boy. My dad looks at my son, then looks at me and says, "You ruined the bloodline." FML



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