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Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

#21016204
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51586) - you deserved it (5900)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my son was playing The Sims, when I saw him remove the door to a room and set it on fire with a Sim trapped inside. I chuckled at first, until I saw that the Sim was me. Meanwhile, my wife's Sim was happily painting in the next room, not giving a crap. All too accurate, sadly. FML

#21015673
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46198) - you deserved it (4963)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:50pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

#21015236
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42631) - you deserved it (4810)

On 01/03/2014 at 6:03am - kids - by noway (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, my 11 month-old son started viciously biting whatever part of my anatomy he can sink his teeth into. He thinks it is hysterical to latch on while I scream helplessly in pain for him to let go. FML

#21012312
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37633) - you deserved it (5834)

On 01/01/2014 at 12:38am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 12-year-old daughter glued her left eyelid shut with fake eyelash glue. After spending 4 hours in the ER, I asked her why she did it. "I wanted to get Blake to notice me," she said. Blake is our neighbor's convict son. FML

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

#21010264
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45081) - you deserved it (23455)

On 12/30/2013 at 7:10am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

#21008990
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25931) - you deserved it (53389)

On 12/29/2013 at 2:01am - kids - by ConfusedDad - United States

Today, my mother was reading an annual Christmas letter from an old university friend. When she remarked that she could have married him instead of my father, I replied that she wouldn't have had me then. She then said, "Exactly, I could have had his daughter instead." FML

#21002184
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44434) - you deserved it (3720)

On 12/23/2013 at 5:44am - kids - by rejected (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to a nativity play. My husband showed up late and drunk, and I had to explain to him why booming "Yeah! Time to get baby Jesus up in this shit!" when our son was about to go on stage got us kicked out. FML

#21001530
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38871) - you deserved it (3947)

On 12/22/2013 at 4:28pm - kids - by bastard (woman) - United States

Today, I asked my lazy daughter to go make her bed. She responded by lighting our garbage bin on fire. FML

#21001381
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39365) - you deserved it (9322)

On 12/22/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Israel

Today, I walked in on my daughter lighting candles around one of her friends, who'd fallen asleep while her other friends chanted something in a different language. They still won't tell me what they were doing. FML

#21001182
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48923) - you deserved it (4873)

On 12/22/2013 at 10:36am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had to basically ground my own husband, after he tricked our 6-year-old son into getting his tongue stuck to a frozen pole. FML

#21000259
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41366) - you deserved it (4402)

On 12/21/2013 at 2:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

#20996030
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54828) - you deserved it (7211)

On 12/17/2013 at 4:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Egypt



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