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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, in an attempt to potty train my 2-year-old, I sat her on the toilet and waited for several minutes. I finally gave up and lifted her off the toilet just in time for her to pee on my new shoes. FML

#21353086
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30343) - you deserved it (5579)

On 02/09/2015 at 11:12pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I have spent so much time watching Scooby Doo with my son that I actually used the word "zoinks". FML

#21352876
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28024) - you deserved it (5527)

On 02/09/2015 at 6:07pm - kids - by brazo667 (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while shopping with my 6-year-old daughter, she said, "Mommy, remember you wanna get duck tape!" A middle-aged guy nearby scoffed and told her: "DUCT, not DUCK. Dumb cunt." I ended up having to drive my bawling daughter home with no shopping. FML

#21352119
297 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46318) - you deserved it (3501)

On 02/08/2015 at 2:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I found out that my 4-year-old son is truly convinced that I am a ghost. He also thinks that I died from burning, "because of your face". FML

#21349104
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30135) - you deserved it (2254)

On 02/03/2015 at 3:45pm - kids - by burned -

Today, my daughter put a doll in the microwave "to keep her warm". She's 17. FML

#21348979
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32911) - you deserved it (4630)

On 02/03/2015 at 11:59am - kids - by wtfdaughter - Brazil (Pernambuco)

Today, I went to the mall with some friends. We all kept smelling this god awful B.O. smell and had no idea where it was coming from. On the car ride home, we all figured out it was actually me. FML

#21347237
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27004) - you deserved it (11400)

On 01/31/2015 at 10:13am - kids - by cooploops - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I showed my son the old trick of turning a calculator upside down and spelling "BOOBIES" on it in numbers. He laughed, then spent nearly 20 minutes trying to spell "COCKS", before giving up and hurling the calculator across the room. I wish my sperm had a warranty. FML

#21346989
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25800) - you deserved it (6516)

On 01/30/2015 at 7:51pm - kids - by 3722145 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my young daughter came up to me, grabbed my face and said, "I'm putting you in the garbage." When I laughed and asked why, she looked me dead in the eye and said, "You are trash." FML

#21346789
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31963) - you deserved it (3711)

On 01/30/2015 at 12:41pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, during a family game of basketball, my 15 year old son shoved me hard to get the ball. I fell and cut my arm badly on the ground. I yelled at him for being an idiot. He replied "Oh jeez, a bleeding woman being a bitch, what a fucking shocker." My husband doubled over laughing. FML

#21342921
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41488) - you deserved it (7639)

On 01/23/2015 at 2:25pm - kids - by nosexforthee (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while breast feeding my 7 month old before his nap, I hummed his favorite song as I rocked. He pulled away, stared at me, and cried til I shut up. FML

#21342394
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29206) - you deserved it (4885)

On 01/22/2015 at 5:36pm - kids - by ameliaruth09 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my in-laws were visiting. My mother-in-law asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He said "A pimp!" I have no idea where he even heard the word, but the death glares my in-laws gave me made me want to shrivel up and die. FML

#21342258
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29588) - you deserved it (3010)

On 01/22/2015 at 1:27pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

#21341483
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38956) - you deserved it (2530)

On 01/21/2015 at 6:57am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

#21341221
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32949) - you deserved it (4802)

On 01/20/2015 at 9:05pm - kids - by frozenpoo - United States



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