Today, my husband and I told my parents that I finally managed to conceive. My mom burst into tears of joy and said how great it was that she's finally going to be a "real" grandma, all within earshot of our adopted and now-devastated daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2015 at 11:00am / South Africa / Kids

Today, at the camp that I work at, a little girl asked to "feel" my muscles. Thinking it was cute, I flexed for her. She laughed and said, "No, really." FML

by donuts678 / 08/16/2015 at 7:37pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I was forced to watch my 5 year old cousin. In an attempt to get him to sit still for a minute, I challenged him to a thumb wrestling match. It's been 2 hours and he keeps thumb wrestling me. If I stop, he cries. FML

by MikaykayUnicorn / 08/15/2015 at 11:41pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my stepbrother's attempt at making a snack resulted in the microwave catching on fire and the everlasting smell of burnt pizza rolls. FML

by Tyrez / 08/14/2015 at 7:38pm / United States (Colorado) / Kids

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

by stressedmom36 / 08/13/2015 at 7:50pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I was woken up to the crushing of my balls after my 5-year-old son thought it would be the best way to wake me up. FML

by jjjjjohn cena / 08/12/2015 at 9:44pm / United States (Nebraska) / Kids

Today, I went to the store with my 4-year-old daughter. When I went to change into tight jeans which weren't completely on, my daughter opened the curtain and yelled: "It's the mommy show!" Everyone there heard her and saw me. FML

by Anonymous / 08/09/2015 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I found out my babysitter has been selling the breastmilk I produce for my baby and replacing it with formula, while still taking my money every week. FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2015 at 11:53pm / United States / Kids

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

by Anonymous / 08/07/2015 at 10:16pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML

by argfarblewarblearble / 08/07/2015 at 9:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

by gross / 08/06/2015 at 1:28pm / United States / Kids

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

by BrandonDrapeau / 08/02/2015 at 10:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, my satan-spawn of a step-son proudly showed that he can pee accurately while standing up. I'd be less livid if he hadn't pissed on me while I was asleep in bed. FML

by Wlanla / 08/02/2015 at 7:39am / Romania (Bacau) / Kids