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Man or woman?

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42614) - you deserved it (13827)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I asked my 10-year-old son what he wants to be when he grows up. He smiled broadly and said "A porn star!" FML

#21237548
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38380) - you deserved it (6026)

On 08/14/2014 at 4:44pm - kids - by cahsecuel (woman) - France (Midi-Pyrenees)

Today, it was a hot day and a woman walking in front of me collapsed. I helped her up, and I called an ambulance while she laid down. While we waited, two teenage girls walked past and I heard one say to the other, "I love how this city just lets people tan wherever". FML

#21237053
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40685) - you deserved it (2924)

On 08/13/2014 at 11:02pm - kids - by Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, I dropped my kid into a crowded wishing fountain instead of a coin. FML

#21235686
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22404) - you deserved it (36680)

On 08/12/2014 at 6:21am - kids - by jake - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

#21234068
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35082) - you deserved it (9127)

On 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Somerset)

Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML

#21233273
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41137) - you deserved it (12631)

On 08/09/2014 at 1:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42328) - you deserved it (6153)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up because of a weird noise. Scared, I turned on my bedside lamp. I saw my older, 17-year-old brother peeing in my bedroom doorway. He was hoping I'd step in it in the morning. FML

#21231132
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39006) - you deserved it (2884)

On 08/06/2014 at 6:18pm - kids - by whymyroomthough (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

#21230823
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42145) - you deserved it (3694)

On 08/06/2014 at 9:21am - kids - by We raised that fool (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)

Today, I found out that if you wake your 7-year old sister up by plugging her nose, you'll wake up the next morning, taped down and unable to move as she pours ice water on you. FML

Today, I asked my 8-year-old daughter to kill a house spider for me. I am a 42-year-old man. FML

#21229943
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38295) - you deserved it (17645)

On 08/05/2014 at 8:31am - kids - by ihatespiders (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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