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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I accidentally sat on my sister's imaginary monkey. She then stabbed me with a pencil. I still can't get the piece of graphite out of my hand. FML

#21430170
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25821) - you deserved it (2381)

On 06/22/2015 at 3:10pm - kids - by vkryss13 - Guam

Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML

#21429657
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26846) - you deserved it (2388)

On 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm - kids - by hfs palm - United States

Today, I had to take my daughter to the ER. Her brother had bet she couldn't go the whole day without talking. So to win the bet, she tried to super-glue her lips together so she couldn't accidentally say anything. FML

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

#21427606
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31955) - you deserved it (9231)

On 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm - kids - by RecentCollegeGrad (woman) -

Today, my father finally achieved his long-held goal. He has legally disowned me. FML

Today, I insulted my younger sister's hamster. She then smashed me with a stool. FML

#21426566
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26344) - you deserved it (9172)

On 06/15/2015 at 4:02pm - kids - by HttpsHaileyy - United States

 Today, I had to explain to my little brother yet again that no, socks don't count as toilet paper. FML

#21426539
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27769) - you deserved it (2132)

On 06/15/2015 at 3:11pm - kids - by maggieyokoi -

Today, I had to take my son to the hospital for drinking sunscreen. Apparently, he saw something on the internet that said if he drank it, his body would sweat it out and continually apply it to his body. He's 16. FML

#21425682
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37580) - you deserved it (6313)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:41am - kids - by afather - United States (South Dakota)

Today, my parents bought my 11-year-old brother a MacBook for my birthday. FML

#21425434
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31352) - you deserved it (2258)

On 06/13/2015 at 12:34pm - kids - by thanks for the $5 gift voucher (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

#21424205
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27286) - you deserved it (2121)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:04pm - kids - by AdoKitty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I broke the news to my 10-year-old son that in about 8 months, he'll have a baby brother or sister. I knew he never wanted a sibling, but I didn't expect him to throw a tantrum, then look at me through teary eyes and scream, "Why can't you keep your fucking legs closed?" FML

#21423894
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37091) - you deserved it (7778)

On 06/10/2015 at 12:13pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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