Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my two year old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

#940357
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36723) - you deserved it (23157)

On 04/12/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

#921168
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62819) - you deserved it (11585)

On 04/12/2009 at 12:44am - kids - by cxcrktkt (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I finally bought the toy my two year old son always wanted. He would always tap on the TV when the commercial for it would appear. I give him the present, and he starts playing with the bag. FML

#907158
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40025) - you deserved it (8927)

On 04/10/2009 at 8:37pm - kids - by Bob (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was babysitting a five year old boy. Somehow the topic of relationships came up, he asked me if I had a boyfriend. When I told him that I was single, he got all excited and asked if he could be my boyfriend. It would have been cute except he was the first guy to ever ask me out. I'm 18. FML

#904176
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61571) - you deserved it (5691)

On 04/10/2009 at 5:07pm - kids - by boyfriendless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting my neighbor's kid. We were playing in the yard, when he fell and got a small scratch on his leg. I gasp, and he takes a huge breath in and yells, "FUUUCK!!!" as loud as possible. The parents thought it was me, and the mother slapped me in the face. FML

#900029
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66294) - you deserved it (3018)

On 04/10/2009 at 11:35am - kids - by mandy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML

#889359
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51933) - you deserved it (17458)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:51pm - kids - by Liz (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom had a baby shower. When it was over I walked around cleaning up the trash, when I saw a card sitting on the table with a note to my mom saying "better luck with this one." At the moment I am an only child, and the card was signed from my grandmother. FML

#889248
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69128) - you deserved it (3711)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:44pm - kids - by Tim (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while teaching my kindergarten class, I had a feeling I was starting my period again. A boy in the class asked me what a period was. Stressing over my own, I briefly told him it's a woman's time of the month when they have mood swings. He was asking about the dot at the end of a sentence. FML

#880464
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42907) - you deserved it (35764)

On 04/09/2009 at 12:53am - kids - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my good friend who just had a baby girl sent her newborn's pictures to me via picture message. To reply, instead of writing "Awwwwww" I wrote "Ewwwwww" by mistake. FML

#873760
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25040) - you deserved it (59405)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:42pm - kids - by nothing (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my daughter's school was putting on a fashion show for charity and all the kids were supposed to ask their mothers to be in it. I asked my daughter about it and she said "well I was going to ask you, but they said only to 'ask all of your BEAUTIFUL mommies." FML

#873134
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68005) - you deserved it (3582)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:08pm - kids - by livay315 (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML

#864226
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63407) - you deserved it (5776)

On 04/08/2009 at 12:03am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was walking my little sister home from the eye doctor. It was raining out so we were kind of in a hurry to get home. We get home and about half an hour later, the cops show up. Apparently, someone saw me walking my sister and called the cops on me thinking I was a child molester. FML

#843077
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (80657) - you deserved it (3205)

On 04/06/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by omgn00blolz89 (man) - United States (New York)



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