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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was taking a nap on the couch when my 2 year old daughter decided that daddy needed an ear cleaning. With all the grace of toddler-hood, she stabbed me in the eardrum with a Q-tip. Now I can't hear her coming. FML

#1584585
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18095) - you deserved it (1919)

On 05/03/2009 at 3:15am - kids - by bodhimae - Sent from mobile version

Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML

#1579657
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57406) - you deserved it (3833)

On 05/03/2009 at 12:16am - kids - by itswhateverr (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML

#1551610
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92803) - you deserved it (9080)

On 05/02/2009 at 4:12am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my daughter said "I love you mom", to me for the first time I can remember. She is 16 years old. She said it because I bought her first thong. FML

#1509670
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60588) - you deserved it (11207)

On 04/30/2009 at 10:50pm - kids - by mylove (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

#1490336
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14748) - you deserved it (94016)

On 04/30/2009 at 1:42pm - kids - by Nanny (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was babysitting a four year old. He was mad and began hitting me. I told him to use his words not his fists when he's mad. He then began telling me how much he hated me and that I should go die and never come back. FML

#1474084
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45092) - you deserved it (17396)

On 04/29/2009 at 9:34pm - kids - by GirlinGreen - United States (Washington)

Today, trying to make my 6 year old daughter to laugh, I drew a picture of a butt, a puff of air coming out and the word "toot". My daughter thought it extremely funny. Later, when she was talking with my extremely judgmental mother-in-law, I heard her say "daddy taught me how to draw butts." FML

#1453459
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19640) - you deserved it (46863)

On 04/29/2009 at 6:12am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, as I was picking up my 7 year old daughter at my ex husband's house my daughter started crying saying that she wanted to stay with daddy forever. I asked why. She said her stepmom was a better mommy. Apparently the woman who broke up my marriage is now a better "mommy". FML

#1444168
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92959) - you deserved it (8181)

On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

#1427815
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40585) - you deserved it (7588)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was walking in the kitchen with my parrot on my shoulder and my dog running around. Something freaked out my bird and she bit my ear and started flapping her wings in my face. Surprised, I took a step back, tripped over my dog, fell, hit my head on the stove, and got knocked unconscious. FML

#1341827
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49205) - you deserved it (7770)

On 04/26/2009 at 12:07am - kids - by margretlle (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 10 year old brother caught me masturbating and then said "Oh, so that's how you do it!". He then ran to his room and locked the door. I inadvertently taught my little brother how to masturbate. FML

#1308807
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22474) - you deserved it (59122)

On 04/25/2009 at 12:13am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, as a respected artist I was running a workshop with a bunch of rowdy college kids. I was in the middle of demonstrating a painting technique when I accidentally washed my paintbrush in my coffee instead of my paint water. They waited until I then drank from it to burst out in hysterics. FML

#1284029
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42953) - you deserved it (14991)

On 04/24/2009 at 5:04am - kids - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML

#1230911
266 comments

I agree, your life sucks (92622) - you deserved it (17347)

On 04/22/2009 at 5:46pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)



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