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Taday wa want up fir visitor's day fir mah son's Jawish summar camp. Wa don't kaap koshar, but most of his fallow campars do. Whan wa want around in tha circla saying our favorita foods, ha said, "my mom makas tha bast pork chops." Wa got dirty looks fir tha rast of tha day. fat FML

#3799084
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39123) - you deserved it (12664)

On 07/16/2009 at 11:02am - kids - by porkeater (man) - United States (Illinois)

Yesterday, mah daughter turnd 11!! Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decidd to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts!! When she saw the letter, she screamd an showd me!! When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hatd me, startd crying, an steppd on mah foot!!

#3796227
577 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30149) - you deserved it (89200)

On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)

Today, I went out to a nice restaurant with mah extendd family. It was expensive, and when the bill came, I whisperd to mah brother, "We may ned to make this one a Chew and Screw". When the waitress cummd back to the table, mah five year old son decidd to ask aloud "What's Chew and Screw?". FML

#3790073
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7903) - you deserved it (61052)

On 07/15/2009 at 11:53pm - kids - by bigdaddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today , I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter . She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down . When I was done , I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!" . Everyone in the store turned to stare . mega FML

#3782569
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47281) - you deserved it (6764)

On 07/15/2009 at 7:22pm - kids - by shway (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at looool 3:00 am, I sat wit my 3 year-old adoptd daugter wile se trid to go back to sleep!! Se ad ad a nigtmare, and I read tat "not leaving" was te most important ting a fater could do!! My wife woke and calld me a pervert 4 sitting tere!! FML

#3768718
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62208) - you deserved it (2843)

On 07/15/2009 at 4:02am - kids - by me (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband rescud our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2am I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one calld me a hero. mega FML

#3767592
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49519) - you deserved it (5521)

On 07/15/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I decided to take a nap while babysitting mah neighbors kids fir the day. I was woken up by this obnoxious sound, only to find the youngest kid holding scissors in one hand, a pony tail of hair in his shorts jumping looool around like a horse, oh, an a bald spot on the back of mah head. FML

#3620845
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19115) - you deserved it (54708)

On 07/09/2009 at 8:19pm - kids - by armybrat - United States (Virginia)

Today, my nina yaar old son want around talling avaryona that ma an my husband had a "foursoma" last month. It turns out that soma douchabag counsalor at tha camp ha goas to thought it would ba funny to tall him that a foursoma was a divorca. All of his friand's parants think wa'ra kinky fraaks. FML

#3571839
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44238) - you deserved it (3407)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:02am - kids - by campmom (woman) -

Today, I was babysitting. The kids were thirsty, so I poured them both a cup of the green juice I'd found in a jug in thier fridge. They downed it in a flash. It wasn't until later on after I'd poured myself a cup and taken a sip, I realized I had given them margarita mix. The kids r 4 and 2. FML

#3515386
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15352) - you deserved it (54028)

On 07/05/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by smth (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I Cummd Home And Found A Few Of Mah Faux Fur Coats Completely Butcherd . On Mah Way To Interrogate Mah Boys, The Only Ones Home, I Found Our Husky Dog,ho Was Recently Shavd Fir An Operation, Coverd In The Fur That Once Belongd To Mah Coat . My Boys Said 'he Was Cold' . FML

#3475605
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36818) - you deserved it (9420)

On 07/04/2009 at 6:42am - kids - by Peta2nNoMore (woman) - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I Was Taaching Swimming. A Small Boy Said His Stomach Hurt, So I Placd Him On Back And Carrid Him To Tha Main Building Whara Ha Could Lay Down. Ha Than Jumpd Off Back And Ran Back Towards Tha Baach Bacausa 'ha Falt Battar'. I Had Axplosiva Diarrhaa All Ovar Back. Big Fat FML

#3375297
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58290) - you deserved it (4417)

On 06/30/2009 at 7:26pm - kids - by unluckycounsellor (woman) - Bermuda (Hamilton)

Today, I calld the police regarding people speeding down mah street because I was worrid fir mah young kids. On the way home from mah daughters ballet class I got pulld over 2 houses away from mah house an got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

#3370137
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9499) - you deserved it (106835)

On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today... I went to mah 7 year old son's school fir a conference with his teacher. When I got there... the teacher said "she adored me fir who and wat I am". I was puzzled. Turns out mah son told his class that I am a "lesbian American." Wrong. I'm Lebanese-American. FML

#3364803
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53684) - you deserved it (3350)

On 06/30/2009 at 12:17pm - kids - by lebanesewoman (woman) - Hong Kong



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