Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was babysitting my 5 year old niece, and she was really down in the dumps because she didn't get invited to a birthday party. To cheer her up, I took her to Chuck E Cheese. Right when we arrived, we walked in on a birthday party. It was the one that my niece got denied from. FML

#154710
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51177) - you deserved it (5817)

On 02/27/2009 at 5:58pm - kids - by stpry of my life (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while babysitting, the oldest little girl who is 7 went through my purse. She pulled out a half empty bottle of lube. She asked what it was and I told her lotion. I went to the bathroom and when I came out, the bottle was empty and there were 4 kids covered in lube. Then their mom came home. FML

#142269
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40460) - you deserved it (24421)

On 02/26/2009 at 11:08am - kids - by iailwkrb (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I stopped at a lemonade stand on my way to work. A cute little girl handed me a mouthwash-sized cup of juice, and her adorable little brother told me it would be $.25. All I had was a $20. He shoved it into his overalls pocket, looked up with huge brown eyes and just said "Thank you." FML

#122747
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15951) - you deserved it (43495)

On 02/24/2009 at 12:47pm - kids - by ripdivine (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

#112335
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (139649) - you deserved it (11095)

On 02/23/2009 at 7:51am - kids - by lifesucks4me - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I got fired from a great baby sitting job because the little girl said I was boring. FML

#100715
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29719) - you deserved it (12323)

On 02/21/2009 at 11:49pm - kids - by anon (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML

#70656
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43875) - you deserved it (10899)

On 02/18/2009 at 6:27pm - kids - by girlmeetsworld - United States (New York)

Today, at Church, the little boy sitting behind me asked his mother if I had the chicken pox, because there were red dots all over my face. I've had bad acne since I was twelve. FML

#69964
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38725) - you deserved it (2727)

On 02/18/2009 at 5:09pm - kids - by Spotted (man) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
503 comments

I agree, your life sucks (226533) - you deserved it (78681)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at work I was reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" to me class of 5 year olds. I got near the end of the book and said "Look at the big fat caterpillar" to which one of my pupils replied "Just like you, Miss!" FML

#55893
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32122) - you deserved it (4339)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:11pm - kids - by Lesley (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, at the elementary school where I teach, the kids all voted for their favorite teacher. I was the only one to receive zero votes. When I asked a small group of students why no one voted for me, one boy replied "because you're the ugliest". FML

#8789
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43203) - you deserved it (3263)

On 02/04/2009 at 7:40pm - kids - by teach - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my friend's son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him "about a dollar?" He said "wow, that's really cheap for blow." He's 10. FML

#6869
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32973) - you deserved it (2554)

On 02/03/2009 at 6:55pm - kids - by Morgan (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

#5874
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9184) - you deserved it (25442)

On 02/03/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by peneloperigby (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my little sister and I were reading a book together and out of nowhere, she said "I love you". My heart melted and I told her that I love her too. Then she told me that she was talking to her stuffed animal, not me. FML

#4425
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31409) - you deserved it (2602)

On 01/31/2009 at 11:29pm - kids - by Noname - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Élodie's Illustrated FML
  • Aaaaah, the beach, the sunshine, cool water against our skin...  Nah, just kidding, I can't afford a trip to the beach. This blog is being written from a grotty apartment in the less salubrious parts of…

Friday 18 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: