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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

#4175407
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41185) - you deserved it (3433)

On 07/31/2009 at 12:01am - kids - by BadMurderer (woman) - Mexico (Tabasco)

Today, my 8 year old little sister said "f you" to my mom. My mom thought I told her to say that and grounded me for a month. Later, my sister came up to me and said "Gotcha, bitch." FML

#4158502
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53008) - you deserved it (3603)

On 07/30/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by Toaster (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I picked up my daughter from the day care but before we left, the babysitter needed to have a talk with me. To fill you in, I got a brand new prius yesterday. Apparently my daughter told eveyone that her mommy got a new penis. FML

#4157203
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39038) - you deserved it (3945)

On 07/30/2009 at 9:56am - kids - by Rae (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my two year old daughter did not want to leave the toy store, when I picked her up she started screaming at the top of her lungs, "YOU'RE NOT MY DADDY!". FML

#4156027
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53505) - you deserved it (3158)

On 07/30/2009 at 7:34am - kids - by Herdad (man) - United States (Virginia) - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, my boyfriend of a year told me he is at the point in his life where he is ready to start a family, get married and have a baby. He also casually stated that he wished he could meet someone he could see himself settling down with. FML

#4131905
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45837) - you deserved it (3775)

On 07/29/2009 at 11:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at the Wild Animal Park. There were bees everywhere. One brave bee, thinking he was Mr. Macho, flew right down my tank top in between my boobs. I freaked the hell out and ended up screaming and pulling down my shirt to get the bee out. I flashed about 10 kids and their families. FML

#4097129
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47451) - you deserved it (9102)

On 07/28/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by bsaucedo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

#4079125
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17466) - you deserved it (50642)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my neighbors were busted for a meth lab in their garage. Yesterday, I signed the mortgage. Welcome to our new neighborhood, kids. FML

#4071557
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43036) - you deserved it (3509)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to tell my 10 year old son that me and his father are getting a divorce. His reply? "Yes! I call living with dad!" FML

#4066807
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51970) - you deserved it (11922)

On 07/26/2009 at 11:13pm - kids - by reckless182 (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I told my 8 year old daughter that she looks a lot like mommy. Now she won't come out of her room because she thinks she is ugly. FML

#4055468
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48783) - you deserved it (5686)

On 07/26/2009 at 2:58pm - kids - by loserwithlice (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my son decided to come out of the closet by wearing a shirt that said "Mom, I'm gay" to the family reunion. FML

#4034101
336 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40950) - you deserved it (23677)

On 07/25/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Mom (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I was walking around in a park when I pass some kids playing soccer. One of them kicks the ball as hard as he could at me. Luckily I catch the ball. Then I drop kick the ball, intending to say "go get it." Instead it ricochets of a nearby tree and hits my face. FML

#4028166
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16838) - you deserved it (42259)

On 07/25/2009 at 11:11am - kids - by PeterRabit (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my husband and I got a new stainless steel microwave. When we took it out of the package we noticed it was blue and got angry. We were about to return it, but we called in our 12 year old daughter to see what she thought of the microwave. She then took off the blue protective plastic. FML

#4026521
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8130) - you deserved it (79926)

On 07/25/2009 at 7:30am - kids - by BlueBaby123 (woman) - United States (New York)



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