Today, after teaching my 4 year old son about the concept of "Stranger Danger," we had gone to a park full of people. When I walked up to him to tell him we had to leave, he ran, screaming "Stranger! Don't touch me!" FML

by armywife980 / 05/03/2011 at 1:01am / Kids

Today, I woke my husband up at 2am, screaming that there was a badger in our bedroom. We both screamed for a bit until he finally says, "What are we screaming about!?" I took a second look at the badger, and realized it was my four year old daughter with her blanket. FML

by BadgerSpirit / 04/27/2011 at 9:35am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, my 4 year old daughter walked in while I was changing my shirt. She said "When I get older I am going to have big boobies just like you." I'm her dad. FML

by parentof5 / 04/23/2011 at 11:20am / United States / Kids

Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML

by kindgartin / 04/23/2011 at 5:26am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids

Today, I was taking a crap in a public stall when three kids broke down the door and pelted me with eggs. FML

by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 11:06am / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

Today, I told my son that his grades are dropping and his behavior is getting out of hand. To which he replied, "Yeah, so is your weight." FML

by randa / 04/19/2011 at 2:38am / Kids

Today, I thought it would be funny to tickle my daughter's foot, which she hates. One bloody nose, multiple scratches and 4 toe-shaped bruises later, she's the one laughing. FML

by B / 04/18/2011 at 4:09am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Kids

Today, I was cutting a little boy's hair at the hairdressers where I work. While cutting his bangs, I noticed his forehead was surprisingly warm. When I asked him if he felt OK, he threw up all over my gown. I think he had some broccoli today. FML

by stickyhair / 04/18/2011 at 12:46am / United States / Kids

Today, a young boy helped me carry my groceries home. He then asked me to sign his sheet to certify that he had done half an hour of service to the elderly. I'm 46. FML

by ::Tracy:: / 04/17/2011 at 5:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids

Today, I was pretending to be an angry bear while babysitting a 3 year old boy, and an 19 month old girl. I was chasing them around the house having a great time. Just when I bent over to pick up his sister for a diaper change the 3 year old decided it was his turn. He bit me square on the ass. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2011 at 7:42pm / United States (Arkansas) / Kids

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 1:35pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

by JT / 04/12/2011 at 10:19am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

by Got_any_grapes1 / 04/11/2011 at 1:23pm / United States (Florida) / Kids