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Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

#2621619
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47493) - you deserved it (10319)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99079) - you deserved it (6260)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, at work, this lady comes up to the counter and asks me for some napkins. She came up to the counter 5 times, when my boss told me to find out what happened to her. Her daughter had puked all over the table and floor, she had covered it with napkins and then left. I had to clean it up. FML

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46212) - you deserved it (15325)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)

Today, I put my 3 year old down for her regular nap. About an hour later I wake up from a dream where I was smelling something awful. When I woke up, the smell was still there, so I tracked it down. My daughter had decided to "fingerpaint" with the contents of a dirty diaper. FML

Today, I was babysitting my baby cousin. I was lying on my back playing with her, while holding her up in the air. As I was doing that, I made cooing noises and funny faces to get her to laugh. She laughed and threw up in my mouth. FML

#2551130
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41470) - you deserved it (8988)

On 06/02/2009 at 10:08pm - kids - by babybreath (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I went biking. I attempted a large hill and lost control, slipped, and fell ten feet into a sewage pit. Riding home covered in crap, my sock caught my chain and I flipped over my bike. My dad had to spray me with the garden hose, bloody and shitty, in the front yard. FML

#2526721
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65938) - you deserved it (5975)

On 06/02/2009 at 7:08am - kids - by fallsdownplenty45 (man) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, I heard a baby crying while I was walking down the street. I walked around until I found it. In a dumpster. I immediately called the cops, completely freaking out. When the cops came, they pulled the baby out of the dumpster. It was a plastic baby doll. FML

#2524012
329 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43914) - you deserved it (21773)

On 06/02/2009 at 2:18am - kids - by failbaby (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

#2427571
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8842) - you deserved it (64332)

On 05/30/2009 at 8:48am - kids - by Jess (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, while the kid I was babysitting was in the bathroom, he called to me "I need some help in here." Worried I ran to the bathroom and asked him what was wrong. He needed me to wipe his butt. As if that weren't gross enough, just as my hand was under his butt, he pooped again and laughed. FML

#2421163
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58470) - you deserved it (5746)

On 05/30/2009 at 12:24am - kids - by sdasdflkjas (woman) - United States

Today, I had a job interview. I had to drop my daughter off with my babysitter first. When I got to the interview I got a weird look from the vice president of the company. I had lime green poop running down the side of my white blouse. FML

#2341558
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47618) - you deserved it (6660)

On 05/27/2009 at 2:15pm - kids - by boo (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I decided to scare my 10 year old sister for fun. I hid behind a door and leapt out, shouting "Boo!" when she walked by. She burst into tears and ran screaming to my mom. My mom thought I'd hit my sister, and was so angry that she punched me in the eye. FML

#2298353
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53120) - you deserved it (17364)

On 05/26/2009 at 12:38am - kids - by tsakashvili (man) - United States (Iowa)



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