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Today, while eating with my kids at McDonalds, my son put his hand up and wanted me to give him a "high five." I went to give him a five, but he moved his hand at the last second and I ended up slapping him in the face. Now everyone there thinks I'm a child-beater. FML

#2820410
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50105) - you deserved it (5963)

On 06/12/2009 at 12:49am - kids - by downlowtooslow (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was babysitting my 5 month old nephew who hasn't pooped in 2 days according to his mom. Well, he pooped. I accidentally stuck my finger in it. While I was wiping my finger off, he rolls over and pees on my new carpet. I roll him over to clean the pee and he opened fire and pooped again. FML

#2816506
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44622) - you deserved it (4519)

On 06/11/2009 at 10:39pm - kids - by chuchie (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my two year old daughter was playing in the kitchen. I went to go have a look and she was pretend cooking. When I asked what she was making she said "look mommy, chocolate!" and stuck her finger in my mouth. It wasn't chocolate. FML

#2768683
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60678) - you deserved it (5303)

On 06/10/2009 at 10:49am - kids - by Lisaa918 - United States (Indiana)

Today, was teacher appreciation day at my school. They played a slideshow of all the teachers. The students cheered wildly for every teacher. When my picture came up, nobody clapped. The whole room was quiet. FML

#2693631
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52486) - you deserved it (23681)

On 06/07/2009 at 3:21pm - kids - by Ignatius (man) - United States (California)

Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "And she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML

#2674765
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46661) - you deserved it (2904)

On 06/06/2009 at 10:25pm - kids - by Shelly (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, as a volunteer at the local daycare, I was with 3 and 4 year olds. They thought it would be funny to trip me and then jump on my back. I hit my elbow hard on the ground. A bunch of pre-schoolers beat me up. FML

#2670105
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38848) - you deserved it (5681)

On 06/06/2009 at 7:46pm - kids - by biotch - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was babysitting a little boy. I opened up a new bottle of bubbles and it was all goopy and gross so I said "Eww!". The boy then asks, "What's "ew" mean?". I replied with, "Something gross and yucky". Then he pointed at my face and say "Ew! Ew! Ewwww!". FML

#2658966
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48807) - you deserved it (7890)

On 06/06/2009 at 12:23pm - kids - by EwFace (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was babysitting. I was sitting on the sofa when I felt that I need to ajust my sitting arangment. After moving, I felt a small toy snap under me. The little boy said it was fine. One hour later he snuck up on me and beat me with an umbrella for breaking his toy. FML

#2621619
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44057) - you deserved it (9782)

On 06/05/2009 at 1:25am - kids - by KPKallery (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (93705) - you deserved it (5754)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, at work, this lady comes up to the counter and asks me for some napkins. She came up to the counter 5 times, when my boss told me to find out what happened to her. Her daughter had puked all over the table and floor, she had covered it with napkins and then left. I had to clean it up. FML

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

#2565972
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44474) - you deserved it (14920)

On 06/03/2009 at 1:40pm - kids - by psychortiz (man) - United States (California)



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