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Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, my two year old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML

#21143663
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43004) - you deserved it (4904)

On 05/18/2014 at 3:51am - kids - by WolfieJL (woman) - United States

Today, I was hosting my daughter's thirteenth birthday party. One parent decided to stay at my house, the only parent to do so. The entire night she critiqued every decision I made, from the films to the cake. When it was time to open presents, her kid was the only one without one. FML

#21141320
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46968) - you deserved it (3888)

On 05/15/2014 at 11:15pm - kids - by madbirthdaymomma (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got into THE party of the year. Too bad it was the party my daughter was throwing while her father and I were out of town. FML

#21140812
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37972) - you deserved it (5047)

On 05/15/2014 at 4:38pm - kids - by jessicab72 - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

#21139841
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36378) - you deserved it (4294)

On 05/14/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug (man) - United States (California)

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

#21138395
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49267) - you deserved it (7543)

On 05/13/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my daughter was scared to go to the bathroom because she thought there was a person behind the shower curtain. There actually was a person behind the shower curtain. FML

#21137389
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59911) - you deserved it (5136)

On 05/12/2014 at 1:17am - kids - by kids -

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

#21135087
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44253) - you deserved it (3706)

On 05/09/2014 at 7:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was teaching my 4 year old daughter how to use "stranger danger". Later that day, we went out and since I didn't buy her a ice cream, she kept screaming "STRANGER DANGER!" A total stranger tackled me until the cops arrived. FML

#21134481
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46907) - you deserved it (6318)

On 05/08/2014 at 11:01pm - kids - by imnotastranger (man) -

Today, my four year old son came into the restroom while I was applying my make-up, and asked me "Mommy, are you putting on make-up so that someone will love you?" FML

Today, my neighbor scolded me for "allowing" her son to be bitten by one of my dogs. This would be reasonable, except for the fact that her kid had jumped my fence and tried to steal a rattle out of my daughter's hands. FML

#21133303
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42480) - you deserved it (2767)

On 05/07/2014 at 3:16pm - kids - by Arthur - United States



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