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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML

#21271391
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35511) - you deserved it (4454)

On 10/05/2014 at 5:34pm - kids - by SmellyCloset (man) - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33323) - you deserved it (2452)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

#21269654
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30271) - you deserved it (3838)

On 10/02/2014 at 4:29pm - kids - by mykodu - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out my son was selling pot for pesos. We live in New Jersey and have never planned on going to Mexico. FML

#21268628
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37594) - you deserved it (4559)

On 09/30/2014 at 10:30pm - kids - by Potforapeso (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my little sister decided it would be funny to bend my iPhone 6 like there's no tomorrow. FML

#21268378
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40450) - you deserved it (13636)

On 09/30/2014 at 2:48pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

#21267339
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32482) - you deserved it (3443)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm - kids - by Anonymoose - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad "What's up?" He casually replied: "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

#21265875
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33420) - you deserved it (2744)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

#21264874
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31884) - you deserved it (3137)

On 09/25/2014 at 12:03am - kids - by disgusted - United States (Maine)

Today, my dad found out I recently tried weed. He called me a useless waste of air and grounded me for the rest of the year. Then he went outside and smoked his third cigarette of the morning. FML

#21261280
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34859) - you deserved it (13306)

On 09/19/2014 at 2:34pm - kids - by hypercrite dad (man) - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend convinced my 4-year-old sister that girls don't poop. She won't stop crying and now thinks she's a freak. FML

#21260556
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36796) - you deserved it (3483)

On 09/18/2014 at 9:16am - kids - by Anonymous - Kenya

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34256) - you deserved it (3902)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)



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