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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, I was picking up my 10 year old step-son from the airport. He began screaming and crying saying that I wasn't his father. I ended up sitting in a holding room because the security guards thought I was kidnapping him. My wife thought it was hilarious. FML

#5525269
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42642) - you deserved it (2922)

On 09/28/2009 at 11:13am - kids - by justgreat (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my sister bought my five year old son a giant ant farm for his birthday. We set it in the living room on a table. I went into the kitchen for a minute, and when I walked back in to the living room, my son was holding the empty case over his head, smiling. FML

#5488289
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33412) - you deserved it (7163)

On 09/26/2009 at 4:28pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, while brushing my teeth my 5 year old son walks into the bathroom. He gave me a mean look and said, "That Sammy's toothbrush, not yours." I have been brushing my teeth with the dog's toothbrush for two months now. FML

#5464721
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34575) - you deserved it (7670)

On 09/25/2009 at 11:01am - kids - by bigdaddy (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

#5424247
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16357) - you deserved it (33770)

On 09/23/2009 at 6:23am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore

Today, my husband decided it was time to tell me he had a 3 year old son. We have been married for 5 years. FML

#5389483
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49491) - you deserved it (2685)

On 09/21/2009 at 5:35am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was in a department store with my three year old daughter to buy some new jeans. I took her into the dressing room with me and as I began to take off my pants she yells, "Mommy, you can't go peepee in here!!" I am no longer welcome in that particular store. FML

#5364487
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36561) - you deserved it (3325)

On 09/20/2009 at 1:01am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had my 3 year old son in the doctors office. During the exam, he informed the doctor that he doesn't sleep in mommy's bed anymore because mommy sleeps in her underwear and farts all night long. FML

#5349169
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36623) - you deserved it (7874)

On 09/19/2009 at 10:37am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was driving through a neighborhood and saw a "slow down, children" sign. I was nice and slowed down as I passed a couple little kids with their parents outside watching them. I guess I was going too slow because one of the fathers started chasing me down the street calling me a pedophile. FML

#5340344
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40251) - you deserved it (3808)

On 09/18/2009 at 9:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I took my 5 year-old son to the barber shop. When the man finishes with him, I tell the guy, "while we're here, I might as well get a trim too." My son then exclaims very loudly in front of a very full barber's shop, "Dad! You don't need a haircut, you need hair!" FML

#5327120
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30259) - you deserved it (6002)

On 09/18/2009 at 2:17am - kids - by ben (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my 7 year old daughter decided to use my laptop without my permission. She accidentally got SpaghettiOs on the screen, then used the hard side of a sponge, filled with soapy water, to scrub both the keyboard and screen of my laptop to clean it off so Mommy wouldn't know. FML

#5319261
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36579) - you deserved it (4674)

On 09/17/2009 at 7:58pm - kids - by Sadmom (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

#5306318
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11405) - you deserved it (49025)

On 09/17/2009 at 1:00am - kids - by almostmugged (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

#5291551
485 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9041) - you deserved it (103563)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

#5280220
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32691) - you deserved it (2097)

On 09/15/2009 at 8:24pm - kids - by Kellye (woman) - United States (Minnesota)



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