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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my teenage son called me at work and started screaming abuse at me. He told me how he never wants to see me again and hopes I die a gruesome death. Why does he feel this way? I beat his high score on Bejewelled 2. FML

#5172036
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47212) - you deserved it (7898)

On 09/10/2009 at 6:00pm - kids - by Bewildered (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, my 11-year-old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach, wearing a bikini. He said "Wow! Who's that?" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said "What happened?" FML

#5164588
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36004) - you deserved it (7012)

On 09/10/2009 at 5:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML

#5164209
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44523) - you deserved it (4220)

On 09/10/2009 at 3:51am - kids - by Udxero (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up to my 8 month old son happy as can be. I could hear him laughing over the monitor. When I walked into the room, he had somehow got his diaper off and was holding onto his new found penis. He thought it was hysterical when it went off and shot urine everywhere. FML

#5149923
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38551) - you deserved it (4398)

On 09/09/2009 at 3:33pm - kids - by WOCOACH (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my daughter turned one month old. I decided to give her a congratulatory kiss on the cheek. She decided to projectile vomit warm breastmilk into my partially open mouth. FML

#5141391
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37846) - you deserved it (5025)

On 09/09/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

#5119886
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36875) - you deserved it (13349)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:42am - kids - by GhettoBeast (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54492) - you deserved it (2924)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

#5108353
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13761) - you deserved it (42187)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm - kids - by greasyhair (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

#5107055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49856) - you deserved it (7224)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:19pm - kids - by Waheyyy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my parents doing it. Luckily they didn't see me so I slipped out. I looked outside, trying to take my mind of the horrors I had just witnessed, only to realize my dad's car wasn't in the driveway. FML

#5065139
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70113) - you deserved it (2896)

On 09/05/2009 at 6:11pm - kids - by WTF (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking home from work going over a railway-bridge, when a 12 year old boy standing at the bottom asks if I could help him carry his bike up, as he couldn't lift it. I did it for him, and was greeted on the other side by his father - who thought I was stealing it and hit me. FML

#5047038
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39107) - you deserved it (2056)

On 09/04/2009 at 7:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was babysitting a boy who was 11 years old. He told me that he loved me and wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him that I think he is a really great kid but I'm 17 so it would never work out. He said okay. When his parents came home he told them that I hit him and started crying. FML

#5035637
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49408) - you deserved it (3194)

On 09/04/2009 at 2:23am - kids - by NotYourLady (woman) - Canada (Alberta)



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