Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

#6151302
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36518) - you deserved it (6645)

On 11/04/2009 at 2:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Bayern)

Today, I was babysitting a really annoying kid who wouldn't listen to me, and threw his food through the kitchen, so I punished him. When his mother came home he ran to her and said, "Mommy, mommy, it's not true what you told me, fat people are NOT nice!" FML

#6120564
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33624) - you deserved it (4970)

On 11/02/2009 at 3:39pm - kids - by Chubby (woman) - Belgium (Antwerpen)

Today, I was driving my child to school when the car let out a huge bang. It shuddered to a halt. My son started laughing. I asked him what was funny but he wouldn't tell me. The car wouldn't start. I called RACV and they told me the problem. My son had rolled 9 golf balls into the exhaust pipe. FML

#6095339
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31880) - you deserved it (3418)

On 11/01/2009 at 1:44am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my sister is dressing up as a nerd for Halloween. She's using my clothes for the costume. FML

#6084223
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27066) - you deserved it (7084)

On 10/31/2009 at 1:32pm - kids - by apparentnerd (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my 5 year old daughter figured out how to use the microwave, microwaving my brand new 3G iphone. It was completely wrecked. So was the microwave. FML

#6078140
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31212) - you deserved it (5985)

On 10/31/2009 at 12:22am - kids - by Mike (man) - United Kingdom (Blackpool)

Today, my son couldn't find all the parts to his Cub Scout uniform. I had a serious talk with him about being prepared, and how he would need to live with the consequences of not having the right outfit on. When we arrived at the meeting, everyone was in costumes because it's Halloween. I forgot. FML

#6056189
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5784) - you deserved it (37905)

On 10/29/2009 at 3:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, the door to my daughter's room became jammed and wouldn't open while she was in the room. Being resourceful, I grabbed my ladder and climbed up to her window, only to end up stuck in her window. I'm not sure what was worse, getting stuck, or being laughed at by my neighbors for a while. FML

#6018223
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20898) - you deserved it (7796)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:45am - kids - by Chub (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my three-year-old decided to dump the entire contents of her cereal box onto the kitchen floor because she was looking for a "prize." The only prize we found was a huge dead cockroach, which she promptly stuck in her mouth. FML

#6013490
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32098) - you deserved it (3286)

On 10/26/2009 at 8:42pm - kids - by laxie (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband's daughter told us that she's 5 months pregnant. I'm going to be a step grandmother and I'm only 23 years old. FML

#6001127
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19109) - you deserved it (43219)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:27am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my daughter threw a can of hairspray into the fireplace because she saw someone do it on YouTube. FML

#5987362
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38133) - you deserved it (4489)

On 10/25/2009 at 5:06am - kids - by oh dear - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was having a nice moment with my granddaughter as she was being affectionate by stroking my face. We were both quite content, until she said, "Aw, Grandma, your skin feels just like a crocodile." FML

#5977481
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29215) - you deserved it (2955)

On 10/24/2009 at 5:14pm - kids - by Granny (woman) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I was playing Farmville all day, and I was really into the game. I was getting phone calls all day, but I kept ignoring them cause I was making so much Farm Money. Come to find out it was my son's school. He fell off the jungle gym and broke his arm. FML

#5970435
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7896) - you deserved it (124349)

On 10/24/2009 at 3:25am - kids - by stewhart (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I told my brother to piss off. He decided to do exactly that, from the balcony onto my lap. FML

#5930750
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12827) - you deserved it (29307)

On 10/21/2009 at 5:03pm - kids - by holy (man) - United Kingdom (London)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: