Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Today, there were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I started talking and I jokingly stated "Yeah, kids ruin everything." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my phone rang. It was my one night stand. I'm going to be a daddy. FML

#13180863
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13020) - you deserved it (69393)

On 09/24/2010 at 7:25am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML

#13140704
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36703) - you deserved it (4703)

On 09/21/2010 at 8:44am - kids - by cganon - United Kingdom

Today, whilst working as a language assistant in Germany as part of my degree, some 9 year-old German kids asked me to please speak English to them because my German was so poor. FML

#13139163
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14432) - you deserved it (20103)

On 09/21/2010 at 3:10am - kids - by themildthings (man) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, while tearfully telling my closest friends that I had miscarried my first pregnancy, the first thing out of their mouths was, 'So, does this mean you're going to start drinking with us again?' FML

#13071693
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38075) - you deserved it (3965)

On 09/16/2010 at 6:59am - kids - by mommymo (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I got the car of my dreams. My daughter also learned how to write her name. Now I have "LAUREN" across the side of my car. FML

#13030264
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26237) - you deserved it (4405)

On 09/13/2010 at 1:41am - kids - by llozano715 - Sent from mobile version

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
418 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31877) - you deserved it (28450)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was moving. While packing, I found an old photo that had been laying face down in the bottom of a drawer for some time, and some of the ink transfered to the drawer lining. There is now an image of my ex-girlfriend's face permanently burned into the bottom of my nightstand drawer. FML

#12998740
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28788) - you deserved it (5378)

On 09/11/2010 at 12:53am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my 8 year old adopted daughter told me she wants me to take her back so another family can adopt her because I don't give her enough toys. FML

#12989156
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36961) - you deserved it (4205)

On 09/10/2010 at 10:56am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

#12953032
254 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52364) - you deserved it (7874)

On 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm - kids - by uselessdad - Singapore

Today, I found out that I'm a dad. My ex from 8 years ago contacted me through facebook. I'm happy I have a kid, but apparently she only contacted me because she wants me to start paying child support, now her boyfriend who provided for them left. FML

#12938106
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28272) - you deserved it (5431)

On 09/06/2010 at 7:21pm - kids - by newdad (man) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter asked for a dollar to buy ice cream from the ice cream truck while I was on my computer working. Out of my wallet she took a fifty dollar bill. The ice cream man got a big tip before driving off. FML

#12935900
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26668) - you deserved it (14795)

On 09/06/2010 at 4:26pm - kids - by BrokebyKids - United States (New York)

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23788) - you deserved it (4438)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

#12879183
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31623) - you deserved it (4599)

On 09/03/2010 at 12:35am - kids - by Devon - United States (Oklahoma)



FML's blog

  • Essa's illustrated FML
  • Yesterday was labor day in the US. FML is international, and and specifically US-centric, but we still sat around doing nothing because we'll take any excuse to do anything. We'll endorse any national…

Friday 1 May 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: